HXC Chapter44

Father Shen nearly tripped as he crossed the corridor. His attendant quickly came to help him, but he shoved his official’s cap into the servant’s hand, angrily strode around the wooden railing, and pushed open the door to the study.

 

Shen Yanqing stood quietly before the desk. Before he could even lift his brush, he looked up at his father.

 

“On my way here, I ran into the Minister of Personnel. He said… he said you just submitted your resignation. Is this true?”

 

Father Shen had a gentle temperament and was rarely so emotional. Seeing Shen Yanqing nod in confirmation, his eyes practically shot fire. He was dumbfounded. “Are you out of your mind? You just got promoted a while ago. Why on earth would you suddenly resign? Besides, is this an official position you can just resign from whenever you feel like it? How, how can I even begin to scold you?”

 

Father Shen slapped his thigh and sat down on a chair, puffing out his cheeks and glaring.

 

Compared to his father’s agitation, Shen Yanqing, the person involved, acted as if nothing had happened. He carefully examined the rice paper spread out on the desk, slowly put his brush to it, and replied, “Father, please calm down. I have my reasons.”

 

“What reasons?” Father Shen was frantic with worry. “Is this something to joke about? Yanqing, you’ve always been so steady in your work. Why have you become so reckless lately? Father is truly worried.”

 

Shen Yanqing meticulously copied a handwriting that wasn’t his own. When he finished, he thought for a moment before finally saying, “Father, you also know that my resignation doesn’t mean I will get my wish.”

 

Father Shen’s expression grew serious. It took a moment for his son’s words to sink in, and he became even more puzzled. “Then why go to all this trouble for nothing? This is… this is…”

 

A move to advance by retreating.

 

Father Shen let out a long sigh. “Ever since I learned that you’d long pledged allegiance to the Third Prince, I knew you had great ambition. It hasn’t been easy for you to get to where you are today. What monumental thing happened to make you gamble with your career? One wrong step, and you might really lose your official position!”

 

Shen Yanqing put down his brush and placed the copied characters into an envelope, sealing it with wax.

 

After a few moments, he said with a steady gaze, “Father, a worthy official does not serve two masters. I will never be one to bend with the wind.”

 

After a long silence, Father Shen shook his head in resignation. “You have your own convictions; as your father, I can’t stop you. Today’s court session has already ended, and the minister has yet to hand in your resignation. Let’s wait and see what happens tomorrow. As for your mother, I’ll keep it from her for now, no need to make her worry.”

 

Shen Yanqing nodded. “Thank you, Father.”

 

As dusk settled, the golden sun slipped behind the clouds, and a crescent moon quietly appeared in the sky.

 

Shen Yanqing put the letter away and walked steadily toward the main courtyard. The old physician’s voice lingered in his ears throughout the way.

 

“Lord Shen, the Young Madam asked this old physician to prescribe abortion medicine. This old man dared not hide it.”

 

“It was a matter of life and death, so this old physician secretly replaced all the ingredients with herbs for calming the mind. It’s harmless to the body.”

 

“This is the gold the Young Madam gave to this old physician. This old physician is too ashamed to accept it.”

 

Shen Yanqing squeezed the gleaming gold in his palm, leaving imprints on his skin.

 

The secret medicine from the Southern Xinjiang was, of course, a baseless lie, just a little trick to scare Ji Zhen. First, to make him abandon the idea of having him take a co-wife; second, it was just thoughtless words spoken in the heat of the moment; and third, it was nothing more than a bit of fun between a couple in bed… Ji Zhen was easy to trick and believed it was real, but Shen Yanqing never expected him to actually ask the physician for abortion medicine.

 

If the secret medicine from the Southern Xinjiang had been real and Ji Zhen had actually become pregnant as a man, would he also have been so heartless as to abort the child that belonged to them?

 

Shen Yanqing felt utterly ridiculous. He had lied so convincingly that he had started to believe the lie himself. Sometimes, when he touched Ji Zhen’s abdomen, he couldn’t stop himself from imagining what his and Ji Zhen’s child would look like.

 

He didn’t care if it was a boy or a girl, as long as the eyes and temperament resembled Ji Zhen’s. It wouldn’t even matter if they were a little spoiled and naive.

 

He suddenly felt like he was having another fit of hysteria, shaking his head and laughing silently at himself in self-mockery.

 

Reaching the main bedroom, Shen Yanqing’s hands rested on the door, but he hesitated to push it open.

 

Ji Zhen, who had a fever and was prone to chills after being startled, was finally persuaded by Ji An to stay in the main room where the underfloor heating was. He sat by the table, staring at the porcelain bowl on the wooden tray. It was a bowl of black, murky medicine that was now almost cold.

 

Ji An opened the oiled paper. “Young Master, there are plums here. It won’t be bitter if you eat one after the medicine.”

 

Ji Zhen hung his head listlessly. Ji An didn’t know the bitterness in his heart, and he didn’t know what the consequences of drinking this medicine would be either. He still had some doubts about Shen Yanqing’s words, but it was better to be safe than sorry.

 

His heart had long since flown out of the capital, and he didn’t want to have such a deep bond with Shen Yanqing.

 

The bloodshed at the execution grounds today was still vivid in his mind, and the Third Prince had also hinted that the death of the Governor of Jiangnan was related to Shen Yanqing…

 

The man was far more profound than Ji Zhen had imagined. It was laughable that when the news of the death of the Governor of Jiangnan was announced, he had even scolded the mastermind behind it as being tyrannical and cruel in front of Shen Yanqing.

 

Ji Zhen’s hair stood on end.

 

Ji An urged him, “The medicine is really getting cold.”

 

The underfloor heating was scorching hot, yet Ji Zhen felt a chill invade his body. He stared at the thick, black medicine and, with slow, hesitant movements, reached out to lift the bowl, steeling himself against his fear of the unknown.

 

Ji Zhen hardened his heart, tilted his head back, and poured the medicine down his throat. Afraid he would regret it, he drank so quickly that some of the liquid spilled and soaked his clothes.

 

Ji An cried out in alarm, “Young Master, drink it slowly…”

 

The door was suddenly thrown open, letting in a gust of cold air. Ji Zhen, panicked, looked at the cold-faced Shen Yanqing, who seemed like a Shura wrapped in jade-like flesh. His hand shook, and the porcelain bowl broke into shards.

 

The room was filled with the strong smell of bitter medicine.

 

Ji Zhen seemed struck dumb, his eyes wide and empty, holding only fear and helplessness within them.

 

Ji An had no idea why Ji Zhen was reacting so strongly. He was shooed out the door by Shen Yanqing and uselessly pounded on it a couple of times.

 

As soon as Shen Yanqing approached Ji Zhen, Ji Zhen jumped back as if being chased by a vengeful spirit while clutching his stomach. His legs weakened, and he slumped against a cabinet with his eyes fixed on Shen Yanqing with guarded vigilance.

 

Shen Yanqing watched with his own eyes as Ji Zhen drank the bitter concoction. The secret Southern Xinjiang medicine was just a jest, but the heartbreaking pain it caused was real. He knelt down to touch the broken pieces of the porcelain bowl. The sharp edge abruptly sliced his finger, and moments later, blood eagerly began to seep out of his seemingly intact skin.

 

Shen Yanqing acted as if he didn’t feel it. A crack seemed to appear on his usually composed face, and a deep, penetrating sorrow leaked out bit by bit. He looked up at the terrified Ji Zhen. As if afraid of scaring him further, he got up very slowly, but before he could get close, Ji Zhen shook his head. “Don’t come any closer…”

 

The person who had once tried every possible way to get close to him now avoided him as if he were a monster.

 

Ji Zhen clutched his stomach and collapsed to the floor, curling his body into a protective ball. He was scared, so terribly scared.

 

He was afraid of the bloody heads rolling at the execution grounds, of the unfathomable Shen Yanqing, and of the thought that some monstrous fetus might tear through him and climb out of his body, a body that couldn’t possibly conceive…

 

Shen Yanqing gazed at Ji Zhen, who seemed perfectly fine but was shattered on the inside. For the first time, he didn’t force his way closer. Instead, he sat on the floor with him. As if in a trance, he said in a low voice, “You don’t want to have our child.”

 

At these words, Ji Zhen clutched his head in agony, his chest heaving rapidly as he bit his lower lip until it turned white.

 

Shen Yanqing was deeply pained by this sight. Not wanting to frighten him further, he said gently, “The physician gave the gold back to you.”

 

Ji Zhen lifted his tear-filled, red eyes.

 

Shen Yanqing tossed the gold to his feet and softened his tone. “The physician couldn’t write the prescription for you, so he naturally couldn’t accept your gold.” He paused. “There is no secret medicine. I was angry that you agreed to have me take a new wife, so I said whatever came to mind…”

 

Ji Zhen was stunned at first. But when Shen Yanqing’s words sank in, a furious resentment erupted in his eyes. He was like a cornered lamb, daring to fight a beast. He lunged forward, grabbed Shen Yanqing’s hand, and sank his teeth fiercely into his wrist, biting down with all his might.

 

The intense pain made Shen Yanqing clench his fist, but he didn’t stop Ji Zhen. The hatred in Ji Zhen’s eyes hurt him a hundred times more than the physical pain.

 

Ji Zhen’s teeth ached from biting, and soon he tasted blood. Only then did he tremblingly release his blood-stained mouth. He then began to beat Shen Yanqing haphazardly while hissing in accusation, “You lied to me! You lied to me again!”

 

Shen Yanqing was struck so hard he turned his head, and a few strands of his usually neat hair fell loose. By the time Ji Zhen had expended all his strength and his hands were shaking, Shen Yanqing’s clothes were disheveled. He had many new scratches on his neck and a long, bloody mark that ran from the corner of his eye down his cheek.

 

Ji Zhen had once been captivated by this face. Now, even with the injuries, it still had a kind of sorrowful beauty, but he was in no mood to appreciate it. He spread his hands and looked at his palms, his fingers trembling uncontrollably until Shen Yanqing took his hand and held it firmly.

 

“Why do you always have to lie to me…?”

 

Having witnessed the beheading earlier, being intimidated by the Third Prince later, and then being on the verge of a breakdown from the absurd Southern Xinjiang secret medicine, Ji Zhen was already out of his mind. After the outburst, he finally calmed down, and large tears began to fall silently.

 

Shen Yanqing held his hand and, with a calm expression, pulled a letter from his robe. “It’s a letter from your elder brother.”

 

Ji Zhen looked up blankly, his face filled with suspicion. His elder brother had never sent a letter in the past few months. Was Shen Yanqing trying to trick him again?

 

Shen Yanqing placed the letter in his palm.

 

Half in doubt and half in belief, he drew out the letter. The handwriting was undeniably his elder brother’s, familiar and distinct—Zhen Zhen, Brother is well. Do not worry.

 

As if he had grabbed a rope from a cliff, Ji Zhen held the precious letter to his chest, crying and laughing at the same time.

 

Seeing that he had finally calmed down, Shen Yanqing helped him sit on the low couch. Ignoring his own scratches, he took off Ji Zhen’s shoes and socks for him.

 

Ji Zhen paid no heed to Shen Yanqing, turning his back on him. By the flickering candlelight, he read his elder brother’s letter over and over again.

 

This was the only glimmer of light left for him in the mortal world.

 

Shen Yanqing embraced him from behind. His body stiffened slightly, and he resisted by shrinking his shoulders.

 

“Ji Zhen,” Shen Yanqing said softly, “I once promised Ji Jue that I would take good care of you. Today, I broke that promise.”

 

Ji Zhen pressed his lips together and not speaking. Now that the other party was willing to talk, he wanted to cover his ears and not listen.

 

“Didn’t you want to leave the capital and see the world? I’ll ask for leave from court, and we can go to Jiangnan to relax, alright?” Shen Yanqing said with a hint of nostalgia. “I remember you really liked the scenery and culture there.”

 

Ji Zhen choked out, “I don’t want to go.”

 

What if he left the capital and his elder brother couldn’t find him?

 

Shen Yanqing pondered for a moment. “Alright, then we won’t go.” He held the person who was trying to inch forward in his arms and continued, “A while ago, Zhang Zhen got into a conflict with a group of wandering bodyguards at Ziyun Lou. He broke a leg and will have to use a crutch for the rest of his life…”

 

Ji Zhen’s pupils contracted. He choked out, “Did you do that?”

 

Shen Yanqing said it lightly. “Whether I did it or not doesn’t matter. He once bullied you, and this is the consequence he deserved.”

 

Ji Zhen’s heart pounded in his throat, not out of happiness, but from a deep fear. It took him a while to find his voice again before he managed to let out a difficult “En.”

 

After five years of drifting in a daze, he could no longer recognize the person beside him upon opening his eyes.

 

As night deepened and the candle burned low, Shen Yanqing woke from a light slumber to see Ji Zhen, who had, at some point, moved out of his embrace and was now curled up in the corner. The pink jade he wore on his slender, pale wrist was also long gone. Sleeping in the same bed but dreaming different dreams—this was all it was.

 

Whether it was Shen Yanqing, Ji Zhen, or their marriage, it could only be summed up by one phrase: utterly ruined.

 

The author has something to say:

Lord Shen (self-brainwashing): Being hit means love, and being scolded means affection. My wife hits me this much, he must love me to death!