LC chapter 49

 

The ship was crowded with people moving up and down several decks. Lin Ruan brought Hua Ying to find Mr. and Mrs. Hua. Only when the elderly couple saw their daughter did they finally relax. Their faces were still rather pale from the fright.

Lin Ruan settled them into an ordinary cabin, but he couldn’t fall asleep himself.

He stepped out of the cabin and went up to the deck. He had never ridden on a large cruise ship before nor seen the endless expanse of sea and sky blending into one. The rising sun emerged from beyond the ocean, casting golden ripples across the water.

Lin Ruan wrapped his coat tighter as a sea breeze, tinged with a fishy scent, blew against his face.

Hua Ying followed behind him and came up beside him. She called softly, “Lin Ruan-gege.”

Lin Ruan turned to look at her. “It was so chaotic just now. You must have been scared. Why don’t you go rest?”

Hua Ying shook her head. “I can’t sleep.”

She glanced at Lin Ruan, then lowered her head. “Lin Ruan-gege, am I really useless? I only drag everyone down.”

The young girl looked discouraged. She had never experienced such a situation before. Having always relied on her parents, she was not used to facing things alone.

“My parents actually always wanted a son,” Hua Ying said softly. “Because when a son grows up, he becomes a man, and a man can support a family.” She looked up at Lin Ruan. “Just like you, Lin Ruan-gege.”

Lin Ruan smiled. “People are naturally inclined to rely on others. There’s no shame in that. As you grow up, you’ll slowly learn how to handle things.”

Looking at the sea shimmering in the golden sunlight, he said quietly, “I used to be like you—sheltered and protected. I didn’t know anything about the storms outside. Back then, I didn’t think I was foolish. But watching you handle everything so effortlessly, I thought maybe I could too. But the result…”

Lin Ruan didn’t finish the sentence. He just lowered his head and smiled. In that smile lay all the bittersweet memories of those sixteen months.

“To have someone you can rely on—it must mean you’ve accumulated a lot of blessings before.”

A commotion rose behind them. A few blond, blue-eyed foreigners emerged, seemingly conducting inspections. The ship was crowded and chaotic, filled with all kinds of people. To board, one needed a ticket, but tickets could be bought, stolen, or obtained by clinging to the ship as it departed.

Lin Ruan and Hua Ying moved to stand in a corner. Shanghai’s shoreline was growing more distant.

Suddenly, Hua Ying spotted flames at the dock and thick black smoke billowing into the sky. She widened her eyes. “It’s on fire!”

Lin Ruan saw it, too. He didn’t know what had caused such a massive fire, but he told Hua Ying, “It will be extinguished soon.”

Apart from that corner, the rest of Shanghai was still bright and modern, filled with towering buildings along the coast. As the ship sailed farther, the buildings grew smaller and smaller.

A wave of sadness welled up in Hua Ying’s heart. That was her homeland, and perhaps it would soon become a battlefield.

“Don’t be too sad,” Lin Ruan comforted her. “Once the war is over, you can come back anytime.”

Hua Ying forced a smile. Seeing that, Lin Ruan continued, “Just think of it as traveling for a while to see other places… Have you ever been to Beijing?”

Hua Ying shook her head, distracted by his words. “Isn’t Beijing your hometown, Lin Ruan-gege? What’s it like?”

Lin Ruan recalled slowly. “It’s a very beautiful city. In early spring… the ice melts and the green, clear lake water flows gently. In autumn, the streets are lined with ginkgo trees, and their golden leaves fall thickly to the ground.”

Hua Ying looked at Lin Ruan. He looked calm, but his eyes were full of nostalgia. “There’s a very delicious pastry there called a white glutinous rice square cake. It’s long, soft, fragrant, and sweet. It’s quite expensive—two silver coins will only buy you four pieces.”

Hua Ying looked puzzled. She didn’t know what a silver coin was. Lin Ruan explained, “It’s a type of currency unique to Beijing City. Below the silver yuan are the silver coins, and below those are the copper coins. But now, people probably use banknotes instead.”

He told her about Beijing, the lotus-leaf bowl glazed in lilac purple, a zither player’s steady performance of “Wujiapo,”[mfn]《武家坡》 (Wujiapo) is a famous opera scene[/mfn] and the wonderful taste of tiramisu and hazelnut cake.

As he spoke, Lin Ruan thought of Zhan Xi, and his gaze unconsciously softened. Hua Ying didn’t know whom he was thinking of, but she said, “You really love that city.”

Feeling a faint sourness in her heart, she tried to defend her own home, stubbornly praising Shanghai in return.

Lin Ruan couldn’t help laughing. “I know. Shanghai is indeed remarkable.”

“Then, do you like it?” Hua Ying asked anxiously. “I mean, do you like Shanghai and its people?”

Lin Ruan thought for a moment and shook his head. “I can’t love this place because my heart already belongs to another city.”

The seagulls along the ship’s edge suddenly took flight, circling above the wind-swept sea. Lin Ruan looked up and, through the flurry of white wings, saw the person he had longed for day and night standing on the deck.

“Sir,” Lin Ruan murmured.

Hua Ying followed his gaze and saw a man standing against the endless blue sea. The wind lifted his long coat, and his eyes seemed to hold the depth of an entire ocean’s longing.

He didn’t speak. He only looked at Lin Ruan.

“Sir,” Lin Ruan said, taking a step forward. “Zhan Xi!”

He ran toward Zhan Xi, his coat flaring behind him. Zhan Xi stood still, opened his arms, and pulled the running Lin Ruan tightly into his embrace.

Golden sunlight spilled over the sea, warming the unrest left behind by long nights. Though the promises of youth might sound empty, a clumsy embrace expressed all the yearning for reunion and the deep love of this very moment.

—

Epilogue:

Zhan Xi and Lin Ruan safely returned to Beijing. Afterward, Zhan Xi properly arranged everything for the Hua family.

Due to Zhan Xi’s earlier instructions, Lin Ruan rarely mentioned him while in Shanghai. Only Mr. Hua knew of his existence vaguely, and Hua Ying knew nothing at all.

Setting gender aside, Zhan Xi and Hua Ying appeared to be rivals. Hua Ying realized that, compared to Zhan Xi, she had no advantage—especially since Zhan Xi already had Lin Ruan’s love.

Her affection ended before it even began. Ever since, whenever she looked at Beijing, she felt a faint bitterness, as if she were looking at a rival in love.

Not long after they returned, it snowed. Snow-covered Beijing was serenely beautiful beyond words. Lin Ruan dragged Zhan Xi everywhere to enjoy it.

Meng Zhen asked to meet up. Zhan Xi asked, “Wouldn’t it be awkward if I came along?” Lin Ruan thought about it and said, “No, it’s fine.”

When they arrived, they discovered that Meng Zhen had also brought his partner.

Lin Ruan later learned that Meng Zhen’s fiancée—the so-called young lady—was actually a man. According to Meng Zhen, his partner had been raised as a girl under strict discipline since childhood. After his elders passed away, he decided he liked women’s clothing and continued dressing that way.

He never hid the fact that he was a man. Everyone in the family knew, but no one dared to say anything.

Lin Ruan said, “Your partner’s a bit strange.” Meng Zhen immediately retorted, “What’s so strange about it? What he wears doesn’t bother anyone. He can wear whatever he wants.”

As he said this, Meng Zhen turned to smile at the elegant man beside him. The man smiled back.

Lin Ruan snorted softly and hugged Zhan Xi’s arm.

After meeting with Meng Zhen, Zhan Xi asked Lin Ruan if he wanted to see Fang Chengze. Lin Ruan was surprised. “Didn’t he go to war with Gu Ji?”

Zhan Xi looked at him and said, “He was injured on the battlefield. He’s in the hospital now.”

Lin Ruan’s heart tightened.

Fang Chengze had lost a leg.

They stood outside his hospital room and looked in. Fang Chengze was asleep, perhaps drugged. His face was pale and thin, almost gaunt.

Gu Ji sat beside him, holding his cold hand. When they first met, they shook hands. Back then, Fang Chengze’s hand was soft, like a scholar’s.

Now, after countless battles, the hand that once held a brush held a gun, covered in calluses and rough to the touch.

Gu Ji sighed softly, barely audible.

Zhan Xi told Lin Ruan that Gu Ji would leave Beijing the next day. Though the domestic situation had mostly stabilized, enemies still lurked outside. Gu Ji had no chance to rest.

Some people dedicate their entire lives to their country — exhausting themselves until death.

Beijing remained safe under the protection of such people. It was almost unchanged from when Lin Ruan left.

Zhan Xi held Lin Ruan’s hand as they walked home. The city’s winter wind was sharp as a blade, stinging their faces. Lin Ruan buried his face in his scarf and tucked both their hands into his pocket.

“You said you’d take me abroad. Does that still count?” Lin Ruan asked.

“As long as you want to,” Zhan Xi replied. He had already made up his mind—he would donate his vast fortune to Gu Ji’s army, and then he and Lin Ruan would travel the world together.

Lin Ruan smiled and looked at him. “Do you know what I learned during those sixteen months in Shanghai?”

“What did you learn?”

“Nothing at all,” Lin Ruan laughed. “I spent every day just thinking about you.”

Zhan Xi laughed, too. He pulled Lin Ruan into his arms and kissed his forehead.

“The more I thought about it, the clearer it became,” Lin Ruan said, looking into Zhan Xi’s eyes. “All those words you never said aloud.”

Zhan Xi’s gaze flickered.

“You,” Lin Ruan said, bumping his forehead against Zhan Xi’s chest. “You think too much—like you’re bullying me for being slow.”

“At first, I had no choice but to stay by your side,” Lin Ruan continued. “Later, when I knew what I wanted and what I could choose, I still wanted to stay with you. There’s not much difference between the two for me. But maybe telling you this will help you feel at ease.”

Lin Ruan tilted his head up and kissed Zhan Xi on the lips. “I understand my heart clearly. My love for you isn’t something you coaxed out of me. It’s real. I truly, truly love you.”

Zhan Xi kissed him back. They leaned against each other in the deep winter evening and through all the years that followed.

**The End**

 

---

Acargoreng: Thank you everyone for reading till the end, It’s such a good story, though I can’t help but feel Meng Zhen’s relationship was a little forced haha. Anyway, we’re not done yet—there are still 2 extra chapters to go! 💖

 If you’re enjoying my translations, feel free to leave a comment or support me on Ko-fi ☕