PTBLSI chapter 73

 

At night, the city’s clamor was muffled by the building’s height, transforming into a distant scene visible through the floor-to-ceiling windows. The night sky, dimmed and blurred by city lights, hung low on the horizon, unable to let any brightness through.

No one knew who had arranged the room. The bedside lamp had a romantic, delicate design, and the light it cast was a soft, lingering pink. It spread over Qi Xi’s face, making the corners of his eyes—already the color of peach blossoms—even redder.

Fu Yanchuan seemed frozen, bracing his arms to maintain a slight distance from the person beneath him. His gaze was fixed on Qi Xi’s eyes. Only after a long time did it finally lower to seal Qi Xi’s slightly parted lips.

Qi Xi’s drunken mind didn’t know what he really wanted. He only knew that things weren’t the same as he had expected. Dissatisfied, he pushed against Fu Yanchuan’s tongue, letting out muffled sounds.

Fu Yanchuan didn’t know what he had done wrong. Suppressing his desire, he pulled away slightly and sucked on Qi Xi’s lips, asking, “Are you uncomfortable?”

“Mmm… I want to eat roasted sweet potatoes. You’re not letting me eat them! If you don’t give them to me, I won’t like you anymore!”

Fu Yanchuan froze. For a moment, he couldn’t tell if Qi Xi wanted real roasted sweet potatoes or something else. He asked carefully, “Which roasted sweet potatoes do you want?”

Qi Xi’s knees suddenly bent, his leg brushing between Fu Yanchuan’s legs. With an innocent, sincere face, he said, “This one here. Is it roasted yet?”

“Qi Xi.”

Fu Yanchuan’s voice dropped involuntarily. His rationality had already been worn thin by long restraint, and this idiot seemed determined to drive him mad. He suddenly stood up straight, pressed two fingers against Qi Xi’s lips, and rubbed them lightly. Looking down at him, he said, “Stick out your tongue.”

Qi Xi looked at Fu Yanchuan. He sensed that Brother Yan had changed, but he couldn’t pinpoint what was different. Out of habit, he stuck out his tongue, which was immediately caught between Fu Yanchuan’s fingertips.

Fu Yanchuan then moved closer, kneeling against Qi Xi’s chest, and ordered, “Do it yourself.”

“Oh.”

Although Qi Xi’s mind wasn’t clear, he immediately understood what Fu Yanchuan meant. He reached over to undo Fu Yanchuan’s buttons but got stuck at the zipper. Unhappy, he complained, “Did you lock it?”

Fu Yanchuan was truly about to be tormented to death by this idiot. He took two deep breaths before restraining himself from silencing the nonsense-spouting mouth, and guided the idiot’s hand to open it.

Qi Xi was finally satisfied. With innocent eyes, he looked at Fu Yanchuan, pulled it out, cupped it, kissed it once, and said, “Brother Yan, the sweet potato is roasted.”

“Mm.”

Suppressing his voice, Fu Yanchuan moved closer and said, “Open your mouth.”

Obediently, Qi Xi opened his mouth and finally got to taste the roasted sweet potato he wanted. Suddenly, another thought came to him, and he asked, “Why isn’t it sweet?”

This time, Fu Yanchuan didn’t hold back. He ruthlessly silenced Qi Xi. Only when Qi Xi cried did he stop and lower himself to kiss and coax him. “Sorry, Brother Xi, don’t cry.”

Qi Xi sniffed, pulled Fu Yanchuan’s hand to his cheek, and said, “It’s so tiring here. My jaw is about to fall off.”

Fu Yanchuan gently rubbed his jaw and apologized. “I was wrong. I won’t do that again. Can you forgive me?”

“Oh.”

Qi Xi felt wronged, but when he looked at Fu Yanchuan, he couldn’t get angry. Leaning over, he wiped his tears onto Fu Yanchuan’s face and said, “I like you so much. Can’t you be gentler with me?”

This time, Fu Yanchuan truly regretted it. Hearing Qi Xi cry made his heart feel like it was about to shatter. He picked Qi Xi up and said, “I’ll be gentle. We won’t do it. Let’s take a shower and go to sleep.”

“No.”

Qi Xi suddenly hugged Fu Yanchuan tightly, leaned to his ear, and said, “I want to do it.”

“It’ll hurt.”

“Brother Xi isn’t afraid of pain.”

Fu Yanchuan set Qi Xi down and stared at him for a long time before asking, “Do you really want to? You don’t have to accommodate me, Xi Xi.”

“Stop asking already! Hurry up and throw away this annoying thing!”

Qi Xi tugged at Fu Yanchuan’s waistband, being extremely domineering. Amused, Fu Yanchuan cooperated, stripping himself completely. Then, Qi Xi’s gaze changed as if he were staring at his model while drawing. Unhappy with this, Fu Yanchuan covered Qi Xi’s eyes. “I’m not your model right now.”

“Then what are you?”

“Your husband.”

Before Qi Xi could figure out what “your husband” meant, he could no longer make a sound. He didn’t know when Fu Yanchuan had taken out the tools. When he felt fingers slide in, he trembled. Fu Yanchuan stopped and looked at him. Only after a long while did he continue.

Fu Yanchuan had experienced failure before. This time, taking advantage of Qi Xi’s drunkenness, he made full preparations and felt absolutely confident. He asked Qi Xi, “Xi Xi, is it okay now?”

By now, Qi Xi’s drunkenness had mostly faded. Covering his face, he shook his head. “I don’t know.”

Fu Yanchuan took his hands down. “Be good. Don’t think about anything else. Look at me.”

Qi Xi obediently gazed at him. Suddenly, he shrank back, instinctively trying to escape. However, Fu Yanchuan held him down and coaxed him again. “Xi Xi, look at me.”

Qi Xi looked over. Fu Yanchuan asked, “Do you like me?”

Unable to ignore what he was feeling, Qi Xi remained silent. Fu Yanchuan asked once more, “Xi Xi, do you love me?”

This time, he finally began to think about Fu Yanchuan’s question. His mind was instantly flooded with countless words. He reached out and touched Fu Yanchuan’s face, ready to speak, when his voice turned into a whimper. Then, his consciousness was pulled back to the sensory experience he was feeling for the first time.

He called out instinctively, “Brother Yan.”

Fu Yanchuan leaned over, hugged him, and lightly sucked his ear as he said, “Don’t be afraid. I’ll go slowly.”

Qi Xi couldn’t say anything. He hugged him back tightly and felt Fu Yanchuan’s slow approach.

The next day, Qi Xi woke up burying his face in the pillow, refusing to pay attention to Fu Yanchuan. Fu Yanchuan held him from behind and admitted his mistake:

“Xixi, don’t be mad.”

Qi Xi wasn’t mad. He just couldn’t face Fu Yanchuan anymore. Fu Yanchuan pressed his face into the pillow, too, and leaned close to Qi Xi’s ear. “That really wasn’t—”

“Shut up! You’re not allowed to say it! Ah—”

Qi Xi pushed Fu Yanchuan away, trying to get out of bed. But the moment he stood up, his legs went weak, he started trembling, and he fell.

Fu Yanchuan caught him, pressed him back onto the bed, flipped over, and pinned him down. He said, “I won’t say it. Can you forgive me?”

Qi Xi instantly remembered again. He hadn’t known it could be done to that extent. Subconsciously, he tried to cover his face, but Fu Yanchuan grabbed his hands.

Fu Yanchuan forcefully met his gaze. “Xixi, that isn’t it. Even if it really is, I still like it.”

Qi Xi still didn’t want to face it. Fu Yanchuan leaned down, kissed his lips, and spoke to him as if casting a spell. “No matter what Xixi is like, I like it. Pay attention to me, okay?”

“Don’t you think it’s disgusting?”

“How could it be disgusting? If you don’t believe me, we can try again.”

Fu Yanchuan was like a tiger that had eaten only vegetarian food for twenty years and had finally tasted real meat—he was satisfied and wished he could be with Qi Xi all the time.

Qi Xi stood there, stunned, seriously considering Fu Yanchuan’s suggestion. In the end, Fu Yanchuan held him, rubbing against him, and then asked, “Are you hungry?”

“Aren’t we supposed to try again?”

Fu Yanchuan said helplessly, “I applied medicine last night. Let’s go eat breakfast first, okay?”

Qi Xi immediately wrapped his arms and legs around Fu Yanchuan. “I can’t walk.”

Satisfied, Fu Yanchuan finally relaxed as he picked Qi Xi up and carried him to wash up.

The breakfast at this hotel wasn’t very good. Qi Xi didn’t eat much. After eating, Qi Xi went to change clothes. Fu Yanchuan received a call from Qiu Yizhou while he was gone.

“Qiao Ye is back. He even went to your inauguration banquet yesterday. Didn’t you see him?”

Fu Yanchuan subconsciously glanced at Qi Xi and went out to the living room.

When Qiu Yizhou didn’t hear a reply, he said, “He must have gone there for you. What are you planning to do? Dump Qi Xi and rekindle your relationship with him? Or get both the fish and the bear’s paw?”

“Qiu Yizhou.”

Fu Yanchuan called Qiu Yizhou’s full name in a lowered voice. Qiu Yizhou had expected Fu Yanchuan to get angry, but he wasn’t the same as before. He didn’t think Fu Yanchuan would tear him apart and laughed indifferently.

Sure enough, Fu Yanchuan ordered him, pleading, “Don’t mention Qiao Ye to Qi Xi.”

“Tsk! What are you afraid of?”

Fu Yanchuan didn’t answer. Qiu Yizhou continued to provoke him. “You didn’t see it—Qiao Ye doesn’t have his ear studs or tattoos anymore. He looks like he did in college. He looks quite similar to your Xixi. So, who do you think looks like whom—”

“Brother Yan?”

Upon hearing Qi Xi’s voice, Fu Yanchuan immediately hung up the phone. He had someone bring clothes from home. Qi Xi changed back into his usual clothes and walked over to Fu Yanchuan with an awkward posture. Fu Yanchuan found this both funny and heartbreaking and hurried over to pick Qi Xi up, holding him by the waist as if he were a child.

Qi Xi hugged his neck and said, “When I walk, it feels like there’s still something inside.”

“I’ll carry you.”

“But we have to go out.”

Fu Yanchuan didn’t mind carrying Qi Xi, but since he didn’t want that, there was nothing he could do. He could only say, “When you’re better, we’ll go back.”

“No, I want to go home. Dasheng must miss me.”

“Then we’ll go back in the afternoon.”

By the afternoon, Qi Xi felt much better. He ate lunch with Fu Yanchuan in the room and finally left the room he would never forget for the rest of his life.

The corridor outside was covered with thick carpet. Qi Xi took the initiative to hold Fu Yanchuan’s hand and pull him toward the elevator hall.

Just as they entered the elevator and the doors were about to close, someone ran over. Qi Xi hurriedly pressed the door-open button and saw the familiar person he had seen yesterday. He exclaimed in surprise.

“Do you live here, too?”

Qiao Ye walked into the elevator and looked at Qi Xi. He noticed the red marks on his neck and his gaze shifted to Fu Yanchuan.

However, Fu Yanchuan was staring at Qi Xi. He thought about what Qi Xi had said. Did it mean the two of them had met yesterday? Did they know each other? What had Qiao Ye said to Qi Xi? Qi Xi’s reaction made it seem like he didn’t know anything.

Finally, he turned his eyes to Qiao Ye. It was indeed just as Qiu Yizhou had said. During those two years abroad, Qiao Ye had transformed from a spotless young man into a wild rose growing in chaos. He used this transformation to rebel against his parents and this society full of rules and constraints.

But the Qiao Ye in front of him looked the same as when they first met. Time hadn’t left many traces on him. His eyes still held that same stubbornness as before, and he smiled at him like an old friend he hadn’t seen in years.

“Brother Yan, I’m the general manager of Chenyu Group’s Africa branch. I didn’t get the chance to greet you yesterday. I heard you’re interested in the new industrial park project. Do you have time to talk with me?”

Fu Yanchuan didn’t answer, but subconsciously looked at Qi Xi.

Hearing him address Fu Yanchuan as “Brother Yan,” Qi Xi finally realized something and looked Qiao Ye over. Qiao Ye turned his gaze to Qi Xi and smiled. “Hello, my name is Qiao Ye. I’m President Fu’s college classmate.”

“Oh, I—I’m Qi Xi.”

Qi Xi answered nervously, his eyes unconsciously examining Qiao Ye more closely. He finally understood why he felt familiar to him. Although he had never thought about what Qiao Ye was like, now that he saw him, he felt that Qiao Ye really should be like this: taller and smarter than him with a nice voice and proper manners.

He subconsciously loosened his grip on Fu Yanchuan’s hand, but Fu Yanchuan held on tighter. Still, he didn’t dare look at Fu Yanchuan, instead lowering his gaze to stare at the floor.

“Xixi.”

Fu Yanchuan called out, panic flooding his heart. At that moment, the elevator dinged, and Qi Xi broke free and ran out.

He didn’t have time to look at Qiao Ye again and hurried after Qi Xi.

“Xixi, wait for me!”

Qiao Ye stood frozen in the elevator, staring at Fu Yanchuan’s back. He let out a self-mocking laugh. When the elevator doors closed, he saw his reflection.

Because he was uncomfortable, Qi Xi couldn’t run fast. Fu Yanchuan caught up in just a few steps, scooped him up, and held him in his arms. Qi Xi wouldn’t look at him, so Fu Yanchuan could only say, “Let’s go home. Whatever you want to know, I’ll tell you, okay?”

Qi Xi didn’t know what he wanted to know. It was the first time he had felt this kind of emotion. It was as if something in his chest was hurting, but no matter how much he scratched at it, he couldn’t locate the source of the pain.

After a long while, he finally nodded. Fu Yanchuan held him and they went back to the car. After closing the door, he didn’t start driving.

“Xixi.”

Fu Yanchuan couldn’t wait until they got home. He turned and grabbed Qi Xi’s shoulders. Seeing the hurt look in his eyes, Fu Yanchuan didn’t know how to explain it. With heartache, he pulled Qi Xi into an embrace and said, “Xixi, I only like you. We parted ways eight years ago and never met again. There was never anything between me and him.”

He wanted to tell Qi Xi that he had never treated him as a stand-in for anyone, but he was afraid that the word “stand-in” would only make him feel worse.

After waiting a long time, Qi Xi still didn’t respond, showing no reaction at all. Fu Yanchuan became even more flustered. He lifted Qi Xi up anxiously and asked, “Xixi, talk to me.”

Qi Xi looked at him for a long time before finally speaking up. “Fu Yanchuan, I won’t call you ‘Brother Yan’ anymore.”

He didn’t know how to react for a moment. To him, this kind of punishment wasn’t even a punishment. He quickly agreed. “You can call me whatever you want.”

“Fu Yanchuan.”

Qi Xi called him again. Fu Yanchuan answered. It was as if he were getting used to this new form of address. He called out again, “Fu Yanchuan.”

“Yes, Fu Yanchuan is here.”

“Go home.”

Fu Yanchuan wasn’t sure if he had comforted Qi Xi properly. On the way back, he tried to start a conversation with Qi Xi for the first time, but Qi Xi barely responded.

Once they arrived home, Qi Xi didn’t mention Qiao Ye, and Fu Yanchuan didn’t dare bring him up either. They were no different from usual—they curled up together on the sofa to watch TV and did their own things in the study. At night, Qi Xi slept in his room, shrinking under the blanket and fumbling at his waistband.

Fu Yanchuan quickly pulled him up. Qi Xi looked at him ingratiatingly and asked, “Don’t you like it?”

“I don’t like it.”

Fu Yanchuan pulled him into a tight embrace. He knew he hadn’t managed to comfort Qi Xi. He didn’t know how to convince Qi Xi that he had never treated him as a stand-in. He also couldn’t make Qi Xi forget the ridiculous contract they had signed.

Qi Xi pressed against Fu Yanchuan’s chest and rubbed his face against his neck. He asked again, “Then shall we do it?”

“Xixi.”

Fu Yanchuan called out once. For the first time since he grew up, he felt the urge to cry. He pushed away Qi Xi’s hand that had touched him below the waist and said, “You’re not healed yet.”

“It’s okay. I’m not afraid of pain.”

“I am.”

Fu Yanchuan crouched down to look directly into Qi Xi’s eyes. He thought Qi Xi was crying, but he didn’t see any tears, which made his heart ache even more.

He kissed him lightly and said, “Didn’t we agree that you should say whatever’s on your mind? Tell me what you think is wrong with me.”

Qi Xi’s eyes curved. After a moment, he finally cried. He grabbed Fu Yanchuan’s pajamas and said, “It’s my fault. I’m not smart. I can’t speak well. I’m short. And I’m afraid of pain. I’m clearly just a stand-in you found, but I really want you to like me—not because I look like him, but because you like me for who I am.”

As he spoke, he looked straight at Fu Yanchuan. “I don’t want to be your stand-in anymore, Fu Yanchuan.”

Fu Yanchuan took a deep breath and wiped Qi Xi’s tears away. “What are you talking about?”

Qi Xi thought this meant that Fu Yanchuan still saw him only as a stand-in, and his tears instantly poured out again.

Fu Yanchuan hurriedly explained, “How could I possibly treat you as a stand-in, idiot? How could I treat any stand-in like this? Haven’t you read comics? Aren’t my feelings obvious? Have you ever seen me look at him once? There is no stand-in. I like you!”

“But—”

Qi Xi was about to say something when Fu Yanchuan cut him off. “There’s no ‘but.’ I apologize. At first, I said something about finding a stand-in because I didn’t want to be forced into a political marriage and I couldn’t think of a way to convince you to come with me. I never thought about treating you as a stand-in. Do you understand?”

Qi Xi was stunned for a long time. He didn’t know what to think. Then, he suddenly blinked, looking like he was about to cry again. “Then…do you not want me anymore?”

Fu Yanchuan was about to get really furious. He grabbed Qi Xi’s hands, flipped him over, and pinned him down. He shouted firmly, “Qi Xi, I love you. I want to be with you, not because of anyone else. I just love you! I love you, Qi Xi. Do you understand now?”

 

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