ATULGW chapter 4

Baixi spent the whole day in his room, using the excuse of not having slept well. He even had his lunch sent to his room by the housekeeper.

He didn’t want to dwell on the events involving Qi Xun. Too much had happened from yesterday to today, and his brain’s capacity was nearly overwhelmed.

However, even as he sat on the bed watching television, he couldn’t get Qi Xun out of his mind.

The TV played a cliché idol drama with young and attractive male and female leads debating the melodramatic question of whether they loved each other in college.

Baixi, however, stared out of the French window at the camphor tree in his yard. He had transplanted this camphor tree during high school, and now, six years later, it had grown tall, lush, and green throughout the year.

His thoughts drifted back to this morning when Qi Xun had asked him why he liked him.

Just as Qi Xun had pointed out, there was seemingly no connection between them during high school. By the time Baixi reached the second year of high school, Qi Xun was already in his first year of college, and they appeared to be worlds apart.

But teenage affection often defied logic. Sometimes, it only required a single glance, a hand-hold, or even a jest.

He hadn’t answered Qi Xun’s question earlier, not because he felt too embarrassed to speak about it, but rather, he believed that Qi Xun had probably forgotten about this matter, making it unnecessary to bring up.

Now, sitting cross-legged on the bed, he glanced at his graduation photo from high school displayed on the bookshelf across from him, and the memories came rushing back like a tidal wave.

He had fallen for Qi Xun in his senior year of high school, during the winter break, just seven or eight days before Chinese New Year.

At that time, he was going through a rebellious phase, constantly arguing with his parents about which major to pursue in college. During one particularly heated argument, he had stormed out of the house in a fit of anger.

Feeling frustrated and angry, he walked along the streets, not realizing that he had strayed far from his original path until he found himself near a park that was quite a distance from home.

It was already late at night, and there weren’t many people around. Only the streetlights provided some illumination.

He sat on a bench in the square for a while, but the cold weather, combined with his impulsive departure in just a light T-shirt, made him feel numb. He decided to buy a cup of hot cocoa from a nearby vending machine to warm himself up, but when he reached into his pocket, he realized he had forgotten both his phone and his change. All he had was his keys and a piece of chocolate.

He stared blankly at the vending machine, not knowing what to do. There was no one around at this late hour, and he couldn’t magically conjure up a phone. He could only stomp his feet in frustration, feeling cold.

Just when he was contemplating whether to seek refuge at the place of his childhood friend, Liang Song, he noticed a slender, fair hand extending from the side. The hand held a phone and made a beep as it scanned for payment.

Turning his head, he saw a sharply defined face—a young and handsome man with an air of aloofness, looking down at him from a higher vantage point.

It was Qi Xun.

At that time, he and Qi Xun weren’t close, but they weren’t total strangers either. His parents had attended an event hosted by the Qi family on New Year’s Day.

Qi Xun retrieved two cans of hot cocoa from below the vending machine and handed one to him.

Holding the drink, Baixi stared at Qi Xun, momentarily unsure how to react. It took him a while to finally awkwardly open the can and take a sip.

“Thank you,” he said to Qi Xun.

Qi Xun had a cup of cocoa but didn’t rush to drink it. He looked him up and down and asked, “You’re from the Bai family, right? Why are you here alone?”

Baixi hesitated for a moment. Of course, he couldn’t say he had a fight with his parents and ran out. That would be too embarrassing.

But he also didn’t want to lie, so he stammered, “I came out for a walk and decided to sit here for a while.”

It was an obvious lie, especially since he was looking down and speaking hesitantly. Fortunately, Qi Xun didn’t press for more details, so it was unclear whether he believed it or not.

Baixi then asked Qi Xun, “Why are you here?”

“I just came from a friend’s place nearby. He lives around here.”

Qi Xun finished the last of his hot cocoa, casually tossed the empty can into the trash can, and sat down beside Baixi.

“Do you mind if I sit here for a while?” he asked.

Bai Xi shook his head.

The two of them sat quietly on opposite ends of the bench, not bothering each other. Qi Xun didn’t engage in conversation either; he simply lowered his head and scrolled through his phone.

His profile was quite handsome, with long eyelashes, and just sitting there without saying a word, he looked like a piece of artwork.

At first, Baixi felt a bit uneasy, but later, he found having someone beside him quite pleasant. It was now past eleven at night, and the surroundings were silent, shrouded in darkness. Sitting alone made him a bit anxious.

Although Qi Xun appeared slender, Baixi knew that Qi Xun was skilled in various combat sports, which gave him a sense of security.

Sipping his hot cocoa, Baixi thought about his own affairs, such as the major he wanted to study, his last practice test scores, and how his parents had talked about taking him and his sister on a trip yesterday.

His relationship with his parents wasn’t actually bad, and his parents weren’t entirely unreasonable.

As he contemplated these thoughts, his anger began to dissipate, and he started regretting his impulsive decision to run away from home.

While he was pondering whether to return home, Qi Xun suddenly asked, “Have you cooled down now? Do you want me to take you home?”

Baixi was taken aback, and when he reacted, his face felt a bit hot. He realized that his clumsy lie had been exposed.

With just one glance, Qi Xun could tell that he had quarreled with his family.

Feeling a bit embarrassed, Baixi was about to say he didn’t need help, but then he felt something on his shoulders. Qi Xun had taken off his own coat and draped it over him.

“Put it on. Your hands are turning red from the cold, and you’ll catch a cold if you stay out here any longer,” Qi Xun said casually.

Baixi was about to speak, but his words were suddenly cut off as he foolishly looked up at Qi Xun, who had stood up.

Under the streetlamp, Qi Xun’s tall figure seemed especially imposing. Perhaps it was the moonlight and the streetlamp’s glow, but he appeared much gentler now. Baixi couldn’t help but notice how tender Qi Xun’s eyes looked.

“It’s late, let’s go home. It’s not safe for you to be out here alone,” Qi Xun said.

Wrapped in Qi Xun’s coat, Baixi caught a faint whiff of citrus. He looked at Qi Xun for a few seconds before obediently getting up.

Only later did Baixi realize that, at that time, he was shorter than Qi Xun. Qi Xun had remembered his age incorrectly, mistaking him for someone fifteen or sixteen. That explained why Qi Xun had been so caring.

But Baixi had been unaware of this back then.

Qi Xun drove him back home. Along the way, they hardly spoke, and when the car arrived at Baixi’s doorstep, Qi Xun didn’t enter but stood outside the garden to bid him farewell.

Baixi felt a bit awkward and wanted to say something but didn’t know how. He simply returned the coat to Qi Xun.

“Thank you for bringing me back,” Baixi said, sincerely grateful.

Qi Xun held the coat but seemed surprised by Baixi’s gratitude. He smiled and teased, “No need to thank me. Next time, if you plan to run away from home, at least remember to take your phone.”

Twenty-year-old Qi Xun, compared to his more serious and reserved self in the future, had a touch of youthful recklessness. He was charming when he smiled.

Baixi watched Qi Xun’s departing figure, still entranced by his handsomeness.

It was at that moment that Baixi fell in love with Qi Xun.

It was irrational and unexpected.

Later, Baixi, with the help of his best friend, secretly visited Qi Xun’s university. He mingled among the college students, watching Qi Xun lead the debate team. Qi Xun, dressed in a suit, looked so captivating that Baixi made up his mind: he would attend the same university as Qi Xun and openly pursue him.

Baixi eventually became Qi Xun’s junior at the university. However, on his first day at school, he experienced a rollercoaster of emotions.

The good news was that Qi Xun indeed liked men.

The bad news was that Qi Xun already had a boyfriend.

Baixi’s memories paused there. He didn’t want to dwell on Qi Xun’s first love. Back then, it was precisely because Qi Xun had a partner that Baixi had abandoned his ambition to pursue him. Despite eventually becoming friends with Qi Xun, Qi Xun had broken up with his first love during his senior year. Baixi had already lost the courage to confess by then.

After his breakup, Qi Xun became even harder to approach. Despite many admirers who had confessed their feelings over the years, men and women alike, some of them quite remarkable even in Baixi’s eyes, none had succeeded.

Baixi had once asked Qi Xun for the reason, and Qi Xun’s answer had been simple, just two words: “Not interested.”

Those two words had shattered Baixi’s courage to confess. He admitted to being somewhat timid, preferring to remain a friend rather than risk losing that position. If so many people couldn’t succeed, why would he think he could?

Now, six years after secretly admiring Qi Xun, the opportunity to be with him unexpectedly lay before him. The television show had ended, the closing credits were rolling, and the room was dark, with no lights on. The garden outside was dimly lit, with soft light seeping through the floor-to-ceiling windows.

Baixi sat on the bed, frozen in place. He glanced at his wristwatch, a customized gift from Qi Xun for his birthday last year, and felt relieved.

Qi Xun had said, “Since we can’t be friends anymore, why not give it a try?”

Baixi thought Qi Xun was right. They could never return to how things were before, so why not take a chance? Perhaps it was fate that pushed him in this direction.

He picked up his phone, its screen shining in the dark room, and sent Qi Xun a message, asking to meet up tomorrow.

Ten minutes later, he received a reply, a simple “Okay.”

The next day,,……

Having made plans to meet Qi Xun, Baixi found it difficult to concentrate at work. He was the deputy editor of the fashion section at MUSE magazine. He had a good relationship with the young women in the office, and they often shared snacks with him.

Baixi snacked on chocolate while waiting for the workday to end. He had a flexible schedule, but the chief editor was still in the office, so he didn’t want to leave first.

When it was finally time to leave, Baixi politely declined his colleagues’ invitation to dinner and hurried away.

The female colleagues in the office weren’t too concerned, casually discussing his habit of rushing off after work.

“Is our Editor Bai going on a date again? I’ve seen him leave in a hurry several times, and it’s always right after work.”

“Really? I remember he’s single.”

“Well, being single before doesn’t mean he still is now. Handsome guys are always in demand.”

…

As Baixi left the building and descended the steps, he noticed Qi Xun’s car parked not far away. Qi Xun was standing beside it, wearing a gray overcoat, tall and elegant, drawing the attention of passersby.

Seeing Baixi approach, Qi Xun opened the passenger door. They didn’t exchange many words as they drove away, with Debussy’s music filling the car.

Their dinner that evening was at a private restaurant they both liked. Baixi had something he wanted to say, and he was feeling a bit nervous. Despite his distracted state earlier, he still felt somewhat absent-minded.

Qi Xun, on the other hand, seemed composed, wearing a gray coat and a black sweater underneath. He appeared laid-back and refined, even while peeling shrimp, exuding an air of nonchalance.

Baixi bit his chopsticks, looking at Qi Xun for a moment before suddenly speaking, “Qi Xun, does what you asked me a couple of days ago still count?”

Qi Xun didn’t raise his head. “Are you asking if I want to date you? Yes, it counts.”

While speaking, Qi Xun pushed a plate of neatly arranged peeled shrimp and toward Baixi.

He then looked up at Baixi, inviting him to continue.

The room was temperature-controlled, warm despite the arrival of late autumn. Baixi felt a bit hot in the face and took a sip of cold lemon water to calm himself.

“I… I want to try dating you,” he said. The words were more difficult to say than he had imagined. Baixi nearly bit his tongue, but once he started, he suddenly felt at ease. He looked into Qi Xun’s eyes, and his cheeks turned pink. “I don’t want to force you, and if you ever regret it or don’t want to be with me anymore, you can back out anytime. You don’t need to feel sorry for me or anything.”

Baixi looked at Qi Xun earnestly, openly sharing his feelings. He made it clear that Qi Xun had an easy way out.

Baixi, who often felt embarrassed, was surprisingly straightforward now, perhaps because he had been humiliated in front of Qi Xun before. He didn’t want their relationship to end on bad terms, like so many couples whose love had turned sour.

Qi Xun didn’t object to Baixi’s words.

For someone like Baixi, who was an exception in Qi Xun’s circle, his friends were mostly similar to him, with clear goals and decisive actions. Baixi was quite the opposite—handsome, born into privilege, and of good personality. He was easygoing, not competitive, and made people feel comfortable.

He didn’t find fault with Baixi’s words.

“Then it’s settled,” he said to Baixi with a smile. It was a smile that melted like ice, and there was a lazy, seductive charm in the corners of his eyes and brows. “Hello, boyfriend.”

He clinked his glass against Baixi’s, and the ice cubes made a crisp sound as they touched.

These two simple words set off fireworks in Baixi’s mind. He had never realized that this term of endearment could carry so much weight.

Baixi could hardly hold onto the glass in his hand.

Just three days ago, he could never have imagined that he would actually end up with Qi Xun.

He bit his lip and smiled back at Qi Xun, his cheeks blushing.

“Hello, boyfriend,” he repeated Qi Xun’s words, but he said it quietly, like a secret afraid of being discovered.

Even as they left the private restaurant, Baixi felt like he was walking on air. After settling the bill, Qi Xun naturally reached out and held his hand, fingers interlocked, just like any ordinary couple.

Qi Xun’s expression was calm, as if this action was of no consequence. However, Baixi felt like he might need to call for help or at least take a few deep breaths.

He admitted that holding hands wasn’t a big deal in a relationship. After all, he and Qi Xun had gone much further when they were drunk. But he still felt clumsy and awkward about it.

“I still feel a bit dazed…” he murmured.

Qi Xun heard him and lowered his head to ask, “Why is that?”

“I just feel like it’s not real,” Baixi replied honestly. “I never thought I’d be with you so suddenly. It feels like a dream.”

He blushed and looked at Qi Xun, saying, “I really like you a lot, and I don’t know what to do…”

Perhaps it was because he had already embarrassed himself in front of Qi Xun earlier, but now Baixi didn’t feel too afraid to confess his feelings.

His eyes sparkled as he looked at Qi Xun, with a pair of innocent, downcast eyes that were pure and soft. Despite being in his twenties, he still seemed so innocent and clear, perhaps because he had been sheltered.

Qi Xun’s heart was lightly scratched.

In truth, Qi Xun had decided to date Baixi simply because it felt right, because being with Baixi was comfortable, not because he was deeply in love. He was not someone who placed great importance on romantic love.

But on this night, under the beautiful moonlight, with Baixi looking at him with such bright eyes, he felt that his decision wasn’t a bad one.

He reached out to touch Baixi’s soft hair and lowered his voice. “You don’t have to be so nervous. You can do whatever you want. You don’t need to overthink it.”

Baixi looked up at him, and for a moment, he felt like time had turned back to a winter night six years ago, in his family’s garden, where plum blossoms had bloomed, and the fragrance filled the air. The twenty-year-old Qi Xun had looked at him the same way and smiled at him.

For a moment, he lost his senses and blurted out, “Then I want to kiss you.”

As soon as he said it, he instantly regretted it and wished he could bite off his own tongue.

Perhaps having a secret crush for so long had made him somewhat abnormal. He had just been all flustered earlier because of holding hands, and now he had blurted out his innermost thoughts.

He immediately tried to backtrack, saying, “Ah, never mind, forget I said that. I was just thinking…”

But before he could finish his sentence, Qi Xun had already lowered his head.

Qi Xun kissed him.

It was October 23rd, the day frost descends, and the weather was turning cold.

But Qi Xun’s lips were warm and soft.

Baixi stared with wide eyes, and even his breath seemed to stall.

He gazed at Qi Xun’s long and thick eyelashes, feeling as if the whole world had fallen silent.

Tonight, the moonlight was beautiful, Qi Xun was gentle and charming, and everything felt just right.

In the sixth year of secretly loving Qi Xun, he finally welcomed his first love.