“Where are we going now?”
A quick glance at the clock showed it was already 4 PM. We would only have a few hours together, and I wondered where we were going with such limited time. I asked him, and his answer made me feel deflated.
“The airport.”
I thought we could spend at least a few hours together. I expected that much time, but hearing he said that he had to go back immediately left me feeling disappointed. I should have been grateful that he came all this way just because I said I missed him, but my greed was overwhelming. I knew that whatever I said might reveal my upset feelings, so I looked away from him and turned my head forward. I stared silently at the road stretching out in front of me.
“Your passport and luggage will be brought by Secretary Kim.”
But his words went in a completely different direction than I had expected, making my previous thoughts meaningless. My head immediately turned back to him.
“Mine?”
“Yeah.”
His expression was so nonchalant that I almost thought I had misunderstood him, but I pulled myself together and asked again.
“My passport?”
“Yeah.”
“Why?”
“You always make me repeat myself.”
Wasn’t it natural to ask again if I didn’t understand his reasoning? I had never gotten to use the passport I got along with my ID card. The fact that he needed my passport—could it be?
“I’ll have to take you with me.”
His expression was so resolute that I couldn’t doubt what I had heard. However, agreeing to it so easily was impossible for me.
“But I have lectures tomorrow.”
“I know.”
“And the day after tomorrow too…”
“So?”
It was bewildering to hear this coming from a man who had lived without ever doing the deviant thing of skipping lectures, let alone caring why others did.
“I need to keep track of my grades.”
It wasn’t that I didn’t want to go with him on his business trip. If I followed him on his trip, I would just be living the same life as in Korea, just in a different location. No matter how late, he would return to my side, and I would sleep peacefully without nightmares. I also knew that when he was on overseas trips, he finished his work earlier than here in Korea. I didn’t have to worry about bothering him or running into people associated with his work. He wasn’t the kind of person who would leave me running into others.
However, I was now an adult who could think and make decisions on my own. I knew that just because you wanted to do something didn’t mean you could do it. Even though skipping a class or two was something common in university life, it was hard for me to accept the idea of being irresponsible with the university I had worked so hard to attend…
“What’s the point of it? Are you thinking of getting a job?”
“…”
My thoughts stopped. I couldn’t even ask what he meant. The words that were about to come out of my mouth froze. Receiving my gaze, he turned the steering wheel smoothly and continued his sentence.
“If that’s your plan, you should give up fast.”
I never had the hopes that he would let me get a job. It was a problem that anyone with a bit of reasoning could figure out. Rather than feeling cynical about being trapped in a cage, I was the type to willingly lock the door myself, with no desire for anything beyond that. Managing my grades was just a matter of duty. I had even considered the idea of meeting the credit requirements and graduating early. But he continued speaking without giving me a chance to explain.
“You might have been able to hide your background at university by parking elsewhere, but at work, rumors would spread the moment you submit your resume.”
The moment he said that, a memory I had temporarily forgotten came rushing back.
“Oh, right. The rumors.”
I sighed involuntarily.
“You’re right. I thought I was keeping a low profile, but it didn’t really work.”
The words spilled out unprompted, as if there was nowhere else to vent my frustration that had built up. I didn’t even realize the conversation had veered off into a completely different topic from what we’d been discussing before.
“During midterms, people in my group project already knew my name, even though I hadn’t introduced myself. I thought that was odd, but apparently, there were so many rumors going around.”
I had never attended student orientation meetings, MTs, or any other department activities. Crowded places made me uncomfortable. Although I exchanged greetings with a few classmates I saw often in lectures, I wasn’t close enough with anyone to exchange contact information. I didn’t stand out in any significant way. It was a large department, and there were plenty of people like me who just quietly attended classes. Although I spent the semester quietly going to and from lectures, I couldn’t avoid the minimal conversations that came with group projects. And then, as if waiting for the opportunity, the questions that came my way left me shocked.
“They said they saw an imported car parked in the public parking lot and that everything I wore from head to toe cost thousands of dollars… And because my last name is Ji, there were rumors speculating that I was related to J Group.”
‘Rumors travel far’, that saying was accurate. The rumors that had spread not just within the department but across the entire college weren’t wild exaggerations; they were eerily accurate, which left me even more stunned.
“They said the ring looked too much like a wedding day gift, or at least an engagement ring. They were joking that if I was engaged at this age, I must come from an extraordinary family. They laughed at the rumors, however, I couldn’t laugh along.”
The questions came from them without hesitation, rooted in the belief that what they were asking couldn’t possibly be true. Though I would say some of them were wrong—like the cost of the clothes I was wearing or was it an engagement ring, things I didn’t even know myself. For a moment, I glanced at the couple ring on my finger, which I’d never once thought of as resembling a wedding day gift. Just then, the quiet listener across from me spoke in a low, sunken voice.
“They didn’t get a single thing wrong.”
“Pardon?”
“They got everything right, almost like they know what they’re talking about. Really, if you had the kind of appearance that could blend in with others, I wouldn’t have had to worry so much.”
I stared at him, bewildered, as he furrowed his brows, unable to hide his displeasure. A brief silence passed between us. Although his words sparked countless questions in my mind, I held them back. Instead, I raised my left hand slightly, showing him the back of my hand, and spoke.
“Is this meant to be a ring as a wedding day gift?”
I had thought it was just a couple ring, but to think that it was actually priced at the level of a wedding day gift.
I asked in a subdued voice, feeling unnecessarily intimidated. He glanced over at me. As if his mood had lifted, his face didn’t give off a fearful nuance anymore, and he casually confirmed, looking at the ring that gleamed in the sunlight.
“It’s an engagement ring.”
“……”
“Since we haven’t gotten married yet.”
“……”
His calm tone contrasted with the tingling sensation in my fingertips. The ring felt as though it had become heavier, as if to remind me of the weight of the responsibility that came with a relationship. But almost as if he had sensed my thoughts, that weight was immediately lightened. My hand that I had extended toward him was now held in his right hand.
“I like that you’re talking a lot.”
“Aaah……”
“Keep going.”
Only then did I realize how unusually chatty I had been, and I felt a little embarrassed. Yet, alongside the embarrassment, I also felt like a wall between us had started to crumble, which wasn’t such an unpleasant feeling.
We were gradually changing. While we were a couple with few words, as our relationship deepened, memories and experiences accumulated, and we found ourselves with more to say to each other. Having turned him, a typically reticent person, into someone who spoke more relatively, I was now learning to share more of my thoughts and to engage in conversation, however clumsy it might have been. Though I still didn’t feel uncomfortable in silence, I learned there was joy in sharing casual conversations beyond necessary words.
Things were improving. Or rather, things were becoming better than I could have hoped.
***
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