Tan Yinqing felt the car brake suddenly.
There was nothing in front of them. The brake was applied only lightly before the car continued forward.
“What?” The words reached Tan Yinqing’s ears.
She felt a pang of regret. Why did she have to say that? She tried to salvage the situation, replying, “Nothing.”
Tan Xingwei ignored her and just repeated, “Ah Xu likes girls?”
It was a lost cause. Tan Yinqing could only resign herself to the situation with a sigh. “Ah.”
Tan Xingwei asked, “What do you mean, she likes girls?”
Tan Yinqing felt a little guilty. “What else could ‘likes girls’ mean? It means she likes girls.”
Tan Xingwei: “Is she… a homosexual?”
Tan Yinqing turned to look at Tan Xingwei. Seeing something other than just surprise on her face, something she couldn’t quite decipher, Tan Yinqing said, “What, don’t tell me you discriminate against homosexuals?”
Tan Xingwei could hardly believe she was hearing such words. “Me?”
Tan Yinqing continued, “It’s perfectly normal for a girl to like another girl, okay? They’re no different from us, they just like a different gender.”
Tan Xingwei: “…”
This was the first time in Tan Xingwei’s life that someone needed to explain these things to her.
She even felt an urge to say “thank you” to Tan Yinqing right now.
Seeing that Tan Xingwei didn’t respond, Tan Yinqing asked tentatively, “No way, you really don’t like homosexuals?” She then went on a tangent by herself, “You’re so old-fashioned, Tan Xingwei. What era is this? Are you even a young person?”
Tan Xingwei was helpless. “Did I say anything? I didn’t, okay.”
Tan Yinqing crossed her arms over her chest. “That’s good, then.”
After a moment, Tan Yinqing added, “You’re not going to treat Su Xu differently just because she likes girls, are you?”
Tan Xingwei paused. “Differently how?”
Tan Yinqing thought for a moment. “Like, avoiding her, being uptight around her, treating her like an outcast.”
Tan Xingwei pursed her lips.
She thought Tan Yinqing was going to say something like sticking close to her, clinging to her, rubbing up against her.
In that case, it would be hard to say.
“How could I…” Tan Xingwei said resolutely. “Am I that kind of person? Liking girls is no big deal. If she likes them, she likes them.”
Tan Xingwei tried her best to keep the corners of her mouth from turning up too much.
“Okay,” Tan Yinqing finally nodded in satisfaction. “You scared me for a second there.”
Tan Xingwei: “What did I do?”
“You looked like you’d heard something unacceptable,” Tan Yinqing said, returning to her phone. “It would be my fault if I ruined your relationship.”
Tan Xingwei scoffed internally. She really wanted to say, You’ve done plenty to affect our relationship, Tan Yinqing. Always twisting the knife, and every stab hits a vital point. Just shut up.
“So,” Tan Yinqing turned back to add what she originally wanted to say, “I didn’t tell you before because you were just a kid. I couldn’t even be bothered to call you out on all the excuses you made up to go see Ah Xu…”
Tan Xingwei interjected, “You didn’t say enough?”
“I held back a lot, okay,” Tan Yinqing scoffed. “Now that you’re working and all grown up, don’t say such mushy things to Ah Xu like you did tonight.”
Tan Xingwei: “What, are you afraid she’ll fall for me?”
Tan Yinqing laughed. “No wonder people say straight girls love to fantasize about lesbians liking them. You’re thinking too much. I’m just telling you to have a sense of boundaries.” She added, “Oh, ‘lala’ means lesbian.”
Tan Xingwei: “…”
Tan Xingwei was truly rendered speechless by Tan Yinqing.
Between the two of them, who was the gay one? It was so hard to guess.
“No…” But then again, “Why can’t Big Sister Ah Xu like me?”
“What are you so defiant about?” Tan Yinqing started laughing. “I’m not saying you’re not good enough. It’s mainly that Ah Xu likes older women.”
See? She wasn’t wrong to say Tan Yinqing knew how to twist the knife.
Tan Xingwei’s voice became smaller. “How do you know?”
Tan Yinqing: “She said so herself.”
Tan Xingwei’s thousand words converged into three: “…Okay, fine.”
Tan Yinqing added, “You don’t get it. There’s a whole thing to it. They, lalas, all love older sisters.”
Hearing Tan Yinqing’s inexplicably proud tone, Tan Xingwei said, “…Wow, you know so much.”
Tan Yinqing: “Of course. I’ve been friends with Ah Xu for so many years.”
Oh, my, aren’t you just the expert.
At this moment, Tan Yinqing had probably categorized Tan Xingwei as one of those straight girls who, upon hearing someone is a lesbian, immediately starts fantasizing about being loved by them, worried it might be false but secretly delighted it might be true. She probably even thought Tan Xingwei’s last few questions were a confident assertion of “why can’t Su Xu like me?”
Fine, let her think that. Tan Xingwei didn’t want to explain anything.
Their home was very close, and they soon arrived at their residential complex. At their front door, Tan Yinqing said Su Xu had replied to her message.
Tan Xingwei immediately stood beside Tan Yinqing.
“Open the door first,” Tan Yinqing said.
So Tan Xingwei took a step forward and opened the door.
“She said she’s not in a bad mood,” Tan Yinqing said while looking at her phone. “She even asked me why I thought she was in a bad mood.”
Tan Xingwei asked, “What did you reply?”
Tan Yinqing: “I said you asked me to ask.”
Tan Xingwei’s eyes widened.
Tan Yinqing laughed. “Just kidding. I didn’t mention you. I said I thought she was pretty quiet tonight, so I was just checking.”
Tan Xingwei: “You can be really boring sometimes.”
Tan Yinqing seemed quite happy to be scolded. “I think so too.”
Tan Xingwei asked again, “What did she say?”
Tan Yinqing: “She hasn’t replied. Her place is so far, she definitely hasn’t arrived yet. She probably replied at a red light just now.”
Tan Xingwei said “oh.” “Alright.”
Tan Yinqing: “It’s fine, don’t worry. Your Big Sister Ah Xu is rarely in a bad mood.”
Tan Xingwei always overthought things when it came to Su Xu, not to mention she had received a lot of new information today. She needed to digest it properly.
The two sisters shared one bathroom. After a game of rock-paper-scissors, Tan Xingwei won priority access.
Once she was completely alone, Tan Xingwei’s mind started racing.
Ah Xu likes girls.
Recalling this sentence now, the impact it had on Tan Xingwei skipped past the surprise, happiness, and disbelief she felt in the car, leaving only a sense of absurdity.
Su Xu likes girls?
Tan Xingwei began to recall everything between her and Su Xu—not just the past few days, not just the movie “Meteor” on the screen, not just her online friends’ confident assertions that “she’s definitely not straight,” but also four years ago.
She needed to shatter Su Xu’s original persona, re-label her as a “lesbian,” and then re-examine their story.
Oh, right, she also had to add “loves older sisters.”
Tan Xingwei splashed a handful of water on her face. Whether it was four years ago or now, her worry about being too young had never been wrong.
She felt like she had figured out a lot, yet at the same time, she couldn’t figure anything out. It felt like nothing was right, but also like it was what it was, so what difference did it make?
After thinking for a long time, thinking too deeply, she realized she was starting to make things up out of thin air and think about random nonsense, so she decided to stop torturing herself.
She put on her slippers, went out, and knocked on Tan Yinqing’s bedroom door.
“Asleep yet?” Tan Xingwei asked from outside.
Tan Yinqing: “No.”
Tan Xingwei: “I’m coming in.”
Tan Yinqing: “Okay.”
The room light was already off. On the pitch-black bed, the phone screen illuminated Tan Yinqing’s face. Seeing Tan Xingwei approach, Tan Yinqing asked in confusion, “What’s wrong? Can’t you say it on We… Hey, hey, hey! What are you doing!”
Tan Xingwei lifted Tan Yinqing’s blanket and slid in.
Tan Yinqing was surprised. “What are you doing?”
Tan Xingwei: “I’m sleeping with you tonight.”
Tan Yinqing was even more surprised. “Are you crazy?”
Tan Xingwei: “What, not welcome?”
“Not welcome,” she said, but her body shifted inward a little. “What’s this about? Watched a horror movie and now you’re scared to sleep alone?”
“No,” Tan Xingwei said. “Let’s talk. Don’t worry, I’ll leave in a bit. I won’t sleep with you.”
Tan Yinqing let out an “oh” of ambiguous meaning. “Talk about what?”
Tan Xingwei got straight to the point. “How did you know Big Sister Ah Xu is gay? Did she tell you?”
Tan Yinqing had an “I knew it” expression. “…I knew you were coming to talk about Ah Xu.”
Tan Xingwei had no time to bicker with Tan Yinqing. “Hurry up and tell me.”
Tan Yinqing: “She said it herself, how else?”
Tan Xingwei pressed on, “She couldn’t have just said it out of the blue, right? There must be a story behind it, right?”
Looking at Tan Xingwei’s big, curious eyes, Tan Yinqing couldn’t help but laugh. “I’m really impressed, Tan Xingwei.”
After her jab, she began to narrate the story.
The prelude wasn’t long. It happened when the four of them had just met. At the time, they were first-year university students, fresh from their transition in status, and curious about everything, including relationships.
Not long after the semester started, Su Xu demonstrated her excellence in many areas through various school activities. Naturally, she attracted many pursuers.
The harmonious and happy atmosphere among the roommates inevitably led to some playful teasing, like “I saw him bring you breakfast,” “Male guest number three is way more handsome,” “Whoa, did I just see a love letter?”…
“Su Xu’s attitude was always to deny it,” Tan Yinqing said, struggling to recall the distant memory. “What happened after that? One night, after lights out, we asked Su Xu if she hadn’t taken a liking to any of them after all this time. That’s when she confessed.”
At this, Tan Xingwei made her first sound since the story began. “Ohh~”
“So after that, we started paying attention to which girls she was getting close to,” Tan Yinqing said.
That one sentence made Tan Xingwei’s nerves tighten.
“So,” Tan Xingwei asked, “did she?”
Tan Yinqing said, “Oh, definitely. There were so many girls she was close to, we couldn’t even keep up with our questions.”
Tan Xingwei: “…You guys sure asked a lot.”
Tan Yinqing laughed. “The three of us were so inexperienced back then. We were really curious at first. I was a bit embarrassed, but Chen Jing was bolder and asked about everything.”
Tan Xingwei asked, “What did she ask?”
Tan Yinqing thought for a moment. “She asked what it was about girls that she liked, if girls kiss when they’re together, if girls…” Tan Yinqing’s words stopped abruptly. She rephrased, “Thinking back now, it was quite intrusive.”
Tan Xingwei expressed her understanding.
“So, Big Sister Ah Xu,” Tan Xingwei asked, clutching the edge of the blanket, “does she have someone she likes?”
Tan Yinqing: “Probably not right now.”
Tan Xingwei seized on the key point. “She did before?”
Tan Yinqing thought for a moment. “I don’t know. There was a period in university when she was very close to a senior, but when we asked, she said no.”
Tan Xingwei’s heart pounded. “What about them now?”
Tan Yinqing: “They probably lost contact a long time ago.”
Tan Xingwei: “How do you know?”
Tan Yinqing paused. “That’s true. I guess I don’t really know.”
Tan Xingwei: “…”
Tan Xingwei was also quite good at finding ways to make herself unhappy.
It felt like there were still many questions to ask, but suddenly she didn’t know what to ask anymore. The room fell silent.
It was very quiet. The curtains were drawn tight. Tan Yinqing had turned off her phone, and in the deep darkness, only the faint outlines of things were visible.
“It’s been a long time since you came to sleep with me,” Tan Yinqing said suddenly after a moment.
Tan Xingwei tried to recall. “When was the last time?”
Tan Yinqing answered quickly, “When I was in the third grade, right after we moved to Haicheng.”
Tan Xingwei: “When we were that little?”
Tan Yinqing hummed in agreement. “You were a restless sleeper. You’d steal the blanket, kick me, and take up my space. After a few days, I said I didn’t want to sleep with you anymore, and you cried.”
Tan Xingwei: “For real?”
“For real,” Tan Yinqing continued. “You were so clingy back then, always following me around calling ‘Big Sister, Big Sister.’ You even said you didn’t want to go to kindergarten anymore and wanted to go to elementary school with me. When Mom and Dad said no, you cried. In the end, the three of them had to take you to kindergarten before they could take me to elementary school.”
Although Tan Xingwei couldn’t remember, she could say, “You must have been so annoyed with me, telling me not to follow you.”
Tan Yinqing: “You’d rather have Ah Xu as your older sister, wouldn’t you?”
It came out of the blue, but one listen and you knew she’d guessed right. Tan Xingwei scoffed, “Of course. You’re just very annoying.”
For once, Tan Yinqing didn’t retort. “I was pretty annoying,” she said, then added, “Then, I don’t know when, you stopped being so clingy. And you never came to sleep with me again.”
Tan Xingwei let out a soft “ah” and fell silent.
Tan Yinqing also fell silent.
In the end, it was Tan Yinqing who laughed first. “Getting so sentimental.”
Tan Xingwei: “Who started it?”
Tan Yinqing: “Me.”
Tan Xingwei: “I suspect this is your way of trying to kick me out.”
Tan Yinqing: “Then why aren’t you leaving?”
Tan Xingwei sat up. “Fine. Bye.”
Tan Yinqing: “Bye.”
Tan Xingwei threw off the blanket, got out of bed, and put on her shoes in one smooth motion. “Good night, annoying sister.”
Tan Yinqing laughed. “Good night.”
But before Tan Xingwei had taken two steps, Tan Yinqing called out again, “Oh, right.”
Then Tan Yinqing said, “Just now, I told Ah Xu that I told you she’s a lesbian.”
