BMLVS – Chapter 52

That night, Yu Mingjiao clung to her and they made love for a long time. Yu Mingjiao looked sickly and weak, but in bed, her stamina was inexplicably good.

Cen Lingqiu eventually didn’t want to continue, but Yu Mingjiao, seemingly tireless, entangled with her for nearly half the night.

The next day, Cen Lingqiu woke up feeling completely drained.

Perhaps Yu Mingjiao had become addicted, for in the following days, she would pull Cen Lingqiu into bed whenever she had a spare moment. Although Cen Lingqiu was exhausted, she still went along with her.

But soon, she ran out of strength.

The two-month period was almost up, and her body began to break down at a precipitous rate, as if it were dissolving.

First, she lost her sense of taste, then her sense of smell. One day, she discovered she could no longer see things clearly.

She couldn’t even make out Yu Mingjiao’s face anymore. Cen Lingqiu could only use her hands to trace the contours of her features. Yu Mingjiao asked her why she was always touching her face.

“Because I can’t see clearly anymore,” Cen Lingqiu told her without hiding the truth.

The color instantly drained from Yu Mingjiao’s face. Her lips trembled as she spoke with hesitant disbelief.

“…Sister Lingqiu, are your eyes… can you not see anymore?”

Her voice trembled violently.

Cen Lingqiu, however, didn’t think much of it. Her dark pupils were lifeless, but her eyes curved into a slight smile.

“Perhaps.”

Perhaps happiness could not last forever. The time she had with Cen Lingqiu had finally come to an end.

Before Cen Lingqiu went completely blind, she took Yu Mingjiao to the aquarium they had failed to visit last time.

It was a weekday, so there weren’t many people. Because Cen Lingqiu couldn’t see clearly, she walked very slowly and even stumbled several times along the way.

Yu Mingjiao could only constantly remind her, but as a disabled person who needed care herself, she couldn’t fully help Cen Lingqiu, who still bumped into various objects.

Looking at the scraped wound on Cen Lingqiu’s hand—a result of her not seeing the steps ahead and falling to the ground—Yu Mingjiao began to hate her own disability again.

She loathed herself.

She couldn’t help Cen Lingqiu with anything.

Cen Lingqiu, however, paid it no mind. They had at least made it to the aquarium safely. They were surrounded by a deep blue, a tranquil azure with flowing fish. Everything seemed so dreamlike.

Although Cen Lingqiu couldn’t see clearly, the faint glimmer of vision she had left could still perceive the magnificent illusion before her.

Knowing she couldn’t see well, Yu Mingjiao held her hand and described the various sights and schools of fish to her, bit by bit.

Cen Lingqiu held her hand and listened patiently.

A group of people walked towards them. Cen Lingqiu and Yu Mingjiao were standing in the middle of the path, somewhat in the way. Several men walked straight between them, forcing their clasped hands apart.

Cen Lingqiu’s vision was blurry. She wanted to take Yu Mingjiao’s hand again. Seeing the back of a figure with long black hair ahead, she mistook it for Yu Mingjiao and walked forward. Just as she was about to reach for the person’s hand, she heard footsteps beside her, and a pair of hands took hers.

“Sister Lingqiu, I’m here.”

“Ah, so you’re here.” Cen Lingqiu was a little embarrassed. “I almost mistook someone else for you.”

Yu Mingjiao’s heart was filled with incomparable bitterness. The back of the person in front of them looked nothing like her; no one with clear sight would have made that connection.

The fact that Cen Lingqiu could make such a mistake only meant that her eyes were truly on the verge of blindness.

This was not what Yu Mingjiao wanted.

She just wanted a normal Cen Lingqiu. That was all.

Why couldn’t even such a simple wish be granted?

The two of them came to a deep blue corridor, with swimming fish on both sides reflected on the glass, like a school of fish swimming in a deep blue evening sky.

There were few people here, as if they were the only two in the entire ocean.

The light was very dim. Cen Lingqiu squinted, unable to see a thing.

She couldn’t even walk properly, her steps were wobbly and crooked.

“Sister Lingqiu, let’s rest for a bit.”

Knowing she couldn’t see, Yu Mingjiao didn’t continue forward.

“Okay.” Cen Lingqiu found a place to sit down.

She sighed lightly. “Jiao Jiao, am I being a killjoy?”

Yu Mingjiao pressed her lips together, her expression gloomy. She shook her head. “Not at all.”

Cen Lingqiu lowered her head and smiled, her hands fiddling with Yu Mingjiao’s fingers.

“Actually, I can’t see anything. All those marine creatures you described to me, I can’t see any of them.”

“It’s okay.” Yu Mingjiao blinked, forcing back the stinging sensation in her eyes. “Those marine creatures aren’t that good-looking anyway. They’re ugly.”

Cen Lingqiu covered her lips and laughed. She knew Yu Mingjiao was trying to comfort her.

She took out her camera. “Jiao Jiao, let’s take a picture together.”

It was almost funny. They had known each other for so long but had barely taken any photos.

“Okay.”

“You do it.” Cen Lingqiu handed her the camera. “I can’t see.”

That casual sentence nearly made Yu Mingjiao cry again. She took a deep breath and started biting her lip again. Only this time, Cen Lingqiu couldn’t see, so she couldn’t stop her.

Yu Mingjiao held up the camera, switched it to selfie mode, aimed it at their faces, and took a picture.

Cen Lingqiu glanced at it, but since she couldn’t see, she asked, “How is it? Did it turn out okay?”

Yu Mingjiao hummed in agreement. “It’s beautiful.”

“Did you smile? You have to smile for pictures.”

Yu Mingjiao’s eyes were moist as she forced a small smile.

“I am smiling, Sister Lingqiu.”

Cen Lingqiu lowered her gaze, her tone gentle. “That’s good. You look beautiful when you smile. It’s just that I…”

It’s just that she might never see it again.

She couldn’t bring herself to say it.

In reality, Yu Mingjiao was lying to her.

The photo hadn’t turned out well at all.

Cen Lingqiu’s eyes were vacant and empty, not looking at the camera, while Yu Mingjiao’s expression was on the verge of tears, gloomy and sorrowful. It was by no means a good-looking picture.

Because Cen Lingqiu’s body couldn’t take it, the two of them didn’t stay long before heading back.

---

Like a collapsing snow mountain, hardships fell one after another.

After Cen Lingqiu lost her sight, the fragility of her body increased with each passing day.

She began to be unable to eat normally. Sometimes, halfway through a meal, she would cover her mouth and run to the bathroom to throw everything up.

No matter how hard she forced herself to eat, she would vomit it all out.

Later on, she even started vomiting mouthfuls of blood. Not wanting to do it in front of Yu Mingjiao, she would hide in the bathroom to vomit in secret.

But how could Yu Mingjiao not have noticed?

Every time Cen Lingqiu was in the bathroom, retching violently, she would stand silently outside the door, keeping her company.

In just a few short days, Cen Lingqiu lost a dramatic amount of weight.

Her complexion was pale, her cheeks gaunt with a frail hollowness.

She still smiled gently every day, simply because she didn’t want Yu Mingjiao to worry.

Slowly, Cen Lingqiu’s body grew weak and feeble.

She could no longer go out normally.

Yu Mingjiao knew that Cen Lingqiu was in immense pain. She was living every day in a thoroughly rotten shell, suffering countless physical agonies, just because she wanted to be with her.

She could have easily abandoned this useless body and gone back to her own world to live a good life.

She was purely, simply, trying to stay with her.

But was this really what Yu Mingjiao wanted?

She loved this person so much, could she really ignore Cen Lingqiu’s suffering?

She couldn’t.

She desperately wished for Cen Lingqiu to be with her forever, but more than that, she wished for Cen Lingqiu to be free from pain.

She knew all too well how agonizing a disabled body could be. How could she bear to let her Sister Lingqiu suffer the same kind of hardship?

It was as if Yu Mingjiao had finally grown up for once.

When Cen Lingqiu fainted while drinking water and had to be hospitalized, Yu Mingjiao said the words.

“Sister Lingqiu, you should go.”

By then, Cen Lingqiu’s eyes were completely blind. She lay on the hospital bed, unable to even walk. The only part of her body that worked properly was her ears.

When she heard Yu Mingjiao’s words, she was somewhat bewildered.

“What…”

Yu Mingjiao sat by her bed, holding Cen Lingqiu’s bony hand, her voice calm.

“Sister Lingqiu, I know you’re in a lot of pain. So you should leave this place.”

Cen Lingqiu understood her words. She was silent for a long time.

“Our Jiao Jiao… is starting to learn to be sensible?” Cen Lingqiu smiled faintly. She raised a hand, fumbling blindly for Yu Mingjiao’s face. Yu Mingjiao took her hand and pressed her cheek against her palm.

Yu Mingjiao smiled too, a bitter smile.

“If I’m this well-behaved, will Sister Lingqiu love me a little more?”

“I love you no matter what you’re like.”

Cen Lingqiu smiled. She pinched her chin, her fingers tracing Yu Mingjiao’s lips. Then, relying on instinct, she leaned forward and kissed her pale, dry lips. Yu Mingjiao tasted sweetness. Like a cat that had been given an inch and was now taking a mile, she gripped Cen Lingqiu’s wrist and kissed her lips heavily, licking at her moist, red tongue, not letting her escape. She was clingy and stubborn.

The two of them kissed with a sense of desperation, as if they were going to die tomorrow.

When they parted, Cen Lingqiu’s hand cupped Yu Mingjiao’s face, her eyes empty, looking at nothing in particular.

“Jiao Jiao, if I leave this time, will you forget me?”

Yu Mingjiao shook her head.

“Will you still wait for me?”

She said nothing.

“Do you believe me? Jiao Jiao, I will definitely find a way to come back to you. No matter what it takes, I will try.”

Cen Lingqiu paused, then said word by word in a coaxing, intimate tone, “So, Jiao Jiao, don’t follow me in death.”

“I will always come back to you.”

Yu Mingjiao’s expression was faint. She didn’t question her neurotically like she used to. She just sat there, motionless, her eyelashes blinking slowly, like a quiet, numb doll.

She was so quiet that Cen Lingqiu grew a little uneasy. Just as she was about to ask what was wrong, Yu Mingjiao closed her eyes, and a tear slid down her pale cheek.

Cen Lingqiu murmured, “…Jiao Jiao.”

Yu Mingjiao’s tears were like melting snow in the warm winter sun, dripping, cold and incessant.

She cried silently, then just looked at Cen Lingqiu, quietly and mutely, for a long, long time.

Cen Lingqiu couldn’t help but touch her eyes. Her palm grew slightly damp. Yu Mingjiao tilted her head, pressing her face tightly against her palm, but the tears still wouldn’t stop. Her long, raven-black lashes were shut tight, her pale, delicate face filled with unconcealable pain.

Yu Mingjiao thought that Cen Lingqiu was truly a very selfish person.

How could she say such cruel words?

Without Cen Lingqiu, how was she supposed to live?

Such a wicked woman.

_

Even with the support of the most advanced medical equipment, Cen Lingqiu’s body was like a collapsing snowman, crumbling at a rapid pace.

She couldn’t eat, couldn’t see, and vomited blood daily. Towards the end, she was rarely even conscious.

Zhang Li cried every day. She knew she was about to lose her last child.

Yu Mingjiao took Cen Lingqiu’s place, staying by Zhang Li’s side every day, comforting her.

No one knew that her own emotions had been pushed to the brink, ready to shatter at any moment.

But she couldn’t show it.

She didn’t want to become like that.

She knew that would make Cen Lingqiu unhappy.

Her heart was slowly cracking open, a cold wind constantly leaking through.

Cold.

Endless cold.

This time, Cen Lingqiu was unconscious for four days. One day, she suddenly woke up, and inexplicably had a bit of strength. The first thing she did was ask someone to bring her bag.

She accompanied Zhang Li for a meal, took a walk around the hospital, and had a very, very long talk with her.

“Mom, you have to take good care of yourself from now on,” Cen Lingqiu said softly as she sat with Zhang Li on a bench by the lake.

Zhang Li sensed something and hugged Cen Lingqiu.

“My child, Mom will take good care of herself.” Zhang Li patted Cen Lingqiu’s back, which had become nothing but bone, her voice gentle and loving.

“If you’re tired, just rest well. Don’t worry about Mom.”

Cen Lingqiu smiled and hugged Zhang Li back.

“Thank you.”

Here with her, Cen Lingqiu had briefly tasted a mother’s love.

After parting with Zhang Li, the last person she saw was Yu Mingjiao.

She didn’t go to the hospital, but went with her to the seaside instead.

She watched the sunset with her one last time.

Even though she couldn’t see a thing.

As the sunset ended, Cen Lingqiu took a small box out of her bag.

“Jiao Jiao, this was originally your birthday present.”

She opened it. It was a pair of rings.

She didn’t know why she had decided to give her a pair of rings back then. At the time, the thought had simply come to her, and she had acted on it.

Yu Mingjiao blinked, then took a box out of her own pocket. She guided Cen Lingqiu’s hand to touch the object inside her box.

Cen Lingqiu felt it for a few moments. “This is…”

“A ring,” Yu Mingjiao said slowly. “A ring I designed myself. It was your birthday present from five years ago.”

Cen Lingqiu was stunned for a moment, then she started to laugh.

She never expected that they would both choose the same kind of gift. What was even funnier was that neither of them had managed to give it.

As Cen Lingqiu laughed, tears inexplicably streamed down her face.

“Then let’s put them on for each other.”

“Okay.”

Cen Lingqiu put the ring she had bought on Yu Mingjiao’s finger, and Yu Mingjiao did the same for her.

Cen Lingqiu couldn’t see the ring, so she could only trace it with her fingers.

She smiled faintly.

Yu Mingjiao smiled along with her, tears sliding down her cheeks.

It was already evening. The orange sunset had died in the blue sea, awaiting its next reunion with the ocean.

That night, Cen Lingqiu was rushed to the emergency room again. Her bodily functions had reached their end.

Zhang Li gave the last moments to the two of them.

Yu Mingjiao stayed by her side, watching her for a long time.

Cen Lingqiu’s consciousness was hazy and unclear. She spoke to Yu Mingjiao intermittently.

“Sister Lingqiu, my lips are chapped.”

“I bought you some balm. Remember to apply it.”

“The weather seems to be getting colder.”

“Wear more clothes.”

“Yu Sui’an keeps sending me messages. It’s so annoying.”

“She loves you. You can be a little stern with her.”

“Sister Lingqiu, do you want to go to Iceland? Let’s go to Iceland together in the future.”

“Okay.”

“Next time we meet, you have to come find me holding a bouquet of Eustoma.”

“Okay.”

“The most beautiful ones.”

“Okay.”

“Will you miss me in that world?”

“……”

“Sister Lingqiu, what happens to a person without a skeleton?”

“……”

Cen Lingqiu was part of her very skeleton.

Cen Lingqiu’s eyes were closed. She could no longer speak.

Yu Mingjiao’s face was pale.

“Sister Lingqiu, are you leaving?”

Cen Lingqiu’s breathing was faint, almost nonexistent. She laboriously raised her hand and grasped Yu Mingjiao’s fingers. She opened her mouth, but no sound came out.

But Yu Mingjiao understood.

She was saying, “Jiao Jiao, say goodbye to me.”

In their past two partings, they had never said goodbye.

Yu Mingjiao smiled faintly, her eyes curving into crescents, her expression a smile of ultimate sorrow, like a flower about to wither in the spring.

“Sister Lingqiu, goodbye.”

“And, I love you.”

This was the first time Yu Mingjiao had said “I love you,” and her first confession.

Her personality was awkward, and she wasn’t good at expressing love directly, always showing her affection in roundabout ways.

This time, she was finally direct, but she didn’t know if that person had heard her.

Perhaps Cen Lingqiu had heard. She managed a smile, then closed her eyes.

At that moment, the electrocardiogram flatlined with a sharp, piercing sound.

Yu Mingjiao held her hand, pressing her forehead against the back of Cen Lingqiu’s hand in a gesture of seeking security.

“Sister Lingqiu, have a safe journey.”

This was the first time Yu Mingjiao had experienced love, but love was not always beautiful. While it brought fluttering hearts and joy, it also brought a double dose of bitterness, like death itself.

But she liked this love.

No matter the outcome of this love, she was very grateful to Cen Lingqiu.

She hated Cen Lingqiu.

And she loved Cen Lingqiu.

In the whole world, she liked Cen Lingqiu the most.

How could liking someone make her suffer?

Therefore, she was happy.

Because Cen Lingqiu’s suffering had finally ended.

I love you.

Cen Lingqiu.

I love you so, so much.

You didn’t hear my confession while you were alive. I’m sorry it took me until now to find the courage to confess to you.

Sister Lingqiu.

I will wait for you to come back and find me.

You won’t lie to me.

Right?