Bai Wei probably only vaguely realized his own orientation in the spring of his twentieth year.
Before turning twenty, Bai Wei had never had a girlfriend. Back then, he figured it must be his pianist’s sense of purity—a kind of perfectionism about love. He wouldn’t just fall for a pretty girl at first sight. But everything changed because of one sentence from An Tianming.
It happened during what Bai Wei referred to as the “five thousand”—the “next time” they had talked about before. Once again, Bai Wei and An Tianming went to the bar to watch a football match. Bai Wei couldn’t understand why a bar meant for watching games would suddenly have a beautiful woman approaching An Tianming for a chat. He felt a little annoyed, probably because he had never experienced a woman hitting on him in a bar before. But when An Tianming turned her down without a second thought, Bai Wei quickly, and generously, forgave An Tianming for his grave mistake of being too attractive and making him look bad in comparison.
Then, Bai Wei grew curious.
“She was pretty. Why are your standards so high? You’re not even interested in that?”
Faced with Bai Wei’s question, An Tianming gave an answer that Bai Wei would ponder over and over in the future.
An Tianming said, “It’s not about standards. The thing is, I already like someone.”
That sudden line almost made Bai Wei blurt out a question on the spot—who was it? He really wanted to know. But at the same time, he also really didn’t want to know.
This emotion, Bai Wei guessed, must be something like the feeling when a childhood best friend grows taller before you, hits puberty first, and leaves you behind to mature alone. It was like being abandoned, a sense of betrayal… Especially since Bai Wei still hadn’t had his growth spurt yet. He totally understood the bitterness of it all.
So, after tossing and turning all night, Bai Wei made up his mind—he was going to get a girlfriend.
But as soon as he came up with this plan, he ran into a major problem.
Bai Wei stood at the sink in the men’s restroom at school for a long time, staring at the mirror, utterly baffled. His face was flawless—there was nothing wrong with it at all.
His good friend, Zhao Xuan, walked up and patted him on the shoulder. “Xiao Bai, do you have to be this narcissistic? Staring at yourself for so long?”
“I can’t help it. I think this face looks good. I just want to admire it a little more,” Bai Wei said earnestly.
And the result—
“Xiao Bai, you’re such a good person,” Zhao Xuan praised him with a dead-serious expression. “You were afraid I wouldn’t have time to find a place to puke, so you deliberately disgusted me in the restroom.”
Bai Wei shot him an unconvinced look. “How am I disgusting you? Don’t you think I’m just stating facts?”
“Sure, it’s fine if you think you look good. Just don’t show off. Besides, the kind of ‘good-looking’ you have isn’t exactly something to be proud of,” Zhao Xuan replied thoughtfully.
Bai Wei didn’t notice the subtlety in his words. He was still deep in his own confusion. “Xuan Zi, you said I look good, and I play the piano well. So why don’t I have any girls chasing after me?”
Zhao Xuan answered without hesitation, “Well, duh. What girl wants a boyfriend who would outshine her?”
Bai Wei frowned. “Are you complimenting me or insulting me?”
Zhao Xuan wisely pretended not to hear him. Then, suddenly recalling something, he chuckled. “Speaking of which, a guy did chase after you before. At least that’s something you can brag about.”
Bai Wei was stunned. “When did a guy chase after me? How come I don’t know about this?”
“Li Lang, that guy!” Zhao Xuan gave him a look like he was staring at an idiot. “He used to treat you to meals all the time, doing all kinds of nice things for you. Don’t tell me you didn’t notice? And come on, you rejected him, didn’t you? Wasn’t it because you knew he was into you?”
Bai Wei was completely dumbfounded, convinced that Zhao Xuan was just making things up.
Thinking about it, Bai Wei naturally remembered Li Lang. Li Lang was a particularly friendly senior who had helped Bai Wei quite a bit. They had also shared many meals together, but since Li Lang liked Western food while Bai Wei preferred Chinese food, Bai Wei eventually got tired of it. Because of their different tastes, he stopped arranging meals with him.
—All in all, there shouldn’t have been any romantic intentions in that, right?
Bai Wei had first met Li Lang on the road near the school’s side gate. At that time, Bai Wei was just a freshman—a freshman who had never crossed a road by himself before. When he walked up to the curb, wanting to head to the convenience store across the street to buy a bottle of water, he suddenly realized the situation he was in. No matter where he went, he was always chauffeured, and if he wanted something, he didn’t even need to leave his house. So really, this wasn’t his fault. Bai Wei firmly believed that—it was just a fact that he wasn’t very skilled at crossing roads.
The crosswalk had no traffic lights on either side. Bai Wei studied the road for a long time, trying to figure out the right moment to cross, since cars seemed to be constantly passing through. Finally, he made up his mind and stepped forward—
—only to see a bicycle heading straight toward him.
Bai Wei looked at the approaching cyclist and instinctively tried to dodge left—the cyclist happened to swerve right. He quickly moved right—the cyclist, of course, moved left at the exact same time. Their synchronization was ridiculous. Bai Wei figured, well, getting hit by a bicycle probably wouldn’t be that bad…
Then, suddenly, someone yanked him back forcefully.
That person was Li Lang.
Li Lang was a sophomore at the neighboring university. This area wasn’t exactly a university town—in fact, because the land was so expensive, there were only two schools nearby. So, even though Li Lang wasn’t from his school, Bai Wei still felt like they were fated to meet. More importantly, this senior was particularly friendly. Bai Wei hadn’t been too concerned about repaying the favor of being saved—after all, great kindness needs no thanks, so it was best to just pretend nothing happened. But Li Lang, on the other hand, seemed very happy to take care of Bai Wei.
Bai Wei had reminded him several times that he wasn’t a freshman at his school, but for some reason, Li Lang acted like he hadn’t had enough fun being a senior mentor at his own orientation event. While correcting Bai Wei’s “school bias,” he enthusiastically taught him how to skip classes and get someone else to answer roll calls.
For the entire first semester of freshman year, Bai Wei practically became Li Lang’s sidekick. They ate together all the time, and sometimes Li Lang even accompanied him to class. Once, during a large lecture, the professor randomly called on Li Lang—an International Finance major—to introduce Chopin’s life story, and Bai Wei laughed about it for an entire week.
In Bai Wei’s mind, friendships were meant to last a lifetime. However, because of their different food preferences, he gradually cut back on their shared meals. One time, when Bai Wei turned down an invitation, Li Lang asked why. Not wanting to outright say he disliked the other’s taste in food, Bai Wei just said something vague about having more “common” preferences.
In truth, Bai Wei figured that if Li Lang ever wanted to cheat on an exam, he’d be more than willing to help, especially with English. Even if they didn’t eat together, they could still do other things. But for some reason, after that, Li Lang got busy, and they gradually drifted apart.
To Bai Wei, if Li Lang ever needed his help in the future, he’d still do his best. But he also had a feeling that Li Lang probably wouldn’t reach out again. Friendships, sometimes, really were just a matter of timing. To this day, Bai Wei regretted that Li Lang wasn’t someone he could keep as a lifelong friend. But regardless—
“My relationship with Li Lang was purely platonic, okay? Xuan Zi, how dirty is your mind?”
Zhao Xuan shot him a suspicious look. “Platonic, huh? Then why were you sitting on Li Lang’s bike, riding around campus like a little couple?”
“It’s a big campus. Riding a bike is totally normal.”
“Yeah, except everyone else rides their own bike.”
“I don’t know how to ride, okay? If you’re talking about a tandem bike, sure, that’d be like a scene from an idol drama. But Li Lang just giving me a ride for a bit? Totally normal.”
“Forget that. You guys were always going out to eat together, weren’t you?”
“I invited you and Kang He every time, but you two never came.”
“We obviously knew better than to be third-wheeling.”
Bai Wei let out a long sigh. He really felt like society had taken a nosedive. “What is wrong with the world these days? Can men not even have pure friendships anymore? Can we not hold on to a little bit of decency and innocence?”
Zhao Xuan finally gave Bai Wei a more serious once-over. “Xiao Bai, you’re seriously not pretending to be clueless?”
“I’m such a genius, do I look like I need to pretend?”
“So,” Zhao Xuan mused, coming to a conclusion, “are you homophobic?”
“Of course not.” Bai Wei felt completely wronged. At most, he just had normal thought processes. Unlike some people who thought it was perfectly natural and commonplace for men to like men.
Zhao Xuan studied him thoughtfully. “Let’s put everything else aside for now and just assume—just assume—that Li Lang actually liked you. What would you do?”
“I’d politely turn him down, of course. But I’d still be willing to be his friend.” Bai Wei was a man. Naturally, he liked girls. Besides, even if he did like men, he’d definitely like An Tianming first, not Li Lang…
Bai Wei suddenly missed a step, nearly stumbling.
Zhao Xuan quickly steadied him. “How do you even manage to trip over nothing while standing still? Are you trying to set a world record for clumsiness?”
Bai Wei felt like the whole world was spinning, hazy and unreal.
“Xuan Zi…” He stood there, dazed for a long time. “…Do you think it’s possible that I might actually like men?”
“You say that like you ever had the potential to like women,” Zhao Xuan retorted without hesitation. “You don’t even give Megan Fox’s boobs a second glance.”
—But actually, Bai Wei had watched some videos of two girls being together before. That was something even his best friends couldn’t know about. And, well… he kind of enjoyed watching them.
Bai Wei had always thought he liked girls. He had no problem fantasizing about the sensual curves of a woman’s body. But if he replaced that image with An Tianming instead…
Zhao Xuan’s startled voice rang out.
“Why do you suddenly look like you’re lovestruck?! Don’t tell me you just realized you like Li Lang? I’m warning you, Xiao Bai, forget about it. Li Lang’s the campus heartthrob over there, and he’s got a huge ego. After you hurt his pride, there’s no way he’d ever come back to you.”
