HXC Chapter64

For three whole days, Ji Zhen forced himself not to ask his elder brother about Shen Yanqing.

 

Although there were many twists and turns that he didn’t fully understand, he knew that Jiang Yunyu’s alliance with the Khitans was set in stone. They had no choice but to move forward with no turning back.

 

The army led by Jiang Yunyu and the borrowed Khitan elite troops split into two routes. Deputy General Lin led ten thousand soldiers from the north, while Jiang Yunyu and the others attacked from the south. The two armies were to meet at Jinzhou, a hundred miles outside the capital, before advancing together toward the imperial city.

 

On the day of their departure, the autumn wind was desolate, and Ji Zhen finally saw Shen Yanqing.

 

The wooden prisoner cart couldn’t block the strong winds. Shen Yanqing’s hands and feet were bound with heavy iron chains and his dark hair was secured with only a single twig. His physical wounds had already been treated while his blood-stained silk robe had been replaced with a coarse white one. For anyone else in such a state, they would look pitifully wretched, but he carried a sharp, imposing aura. From a distance, he looked only impoverished, not destitute.

 

Ji Zhen froze in place as if his eyes had been pricked by a needle.

 

Shen Yanqing seemed to sense his gaze and slowly looked up, his eyes meeting Ji Zhen’s from across the line of armored soldiers. This single look was light and faint yet it was filled with a deep, intense longing. Ji Zhen’s chest tightened as he turned his face away in pain.

 

He then got into the carriage with the support of his elder brother. He closed his eyes several times but still couldn’t get the sight of Shen Yanqing’s tragic figure out of his mind.

 

Who would have thought that the person locked in that prisoner cart was once the top scholar whom everyone admired?

 

Ji Zhen clenched his fingers tightly which caused his palms to become both numb and sore. When the carriage began to move, he couldn’t help but lift half of the curtain to look out again.

 

The prisoner cart rumbled along. Shen Yanqing’s face was half-lowered and the cold wind ruffled his loose hair. He seemed to be impervious to the cold, sitting as still as a stone statue. Only when a wheel rolled over a small stone and the cart jolted would his brow subtly furrow for a moment before smoothing out again.

 

On such a cold day, even wrapped in a fur cloak, Ji Zhen still felt the chill invading his body. How could such thin clothing fend off the cold?

 

At the same time, he remembered the scene of his elder brother being exiled—it was an even colder, snowy day than this…

 

Ji Zhen slowly lowered the curtain. Only then did he realize that as he had been watching Shen Yanqing, his elder brother had been watching him.

 

He bit his lip and said, “I understand. I understand…”

 

What did he understand? Ji Zhen wasn’t entirely sure either. He only knew that the suffering Shen Yanqing was enduring was something his elder brother had also experienced. He could feel pity and sympathy for Shen Yanqing, but he shouldn’t show these feelings in front of his elder brother.

 

Ji Zhen forced himself to calm down, and he no longer looked at the simple, plain figure outside the carriage.

 

—

 

The Jiang family army was unstoppable, taking down two cities in less than half a month.

 

It was Ji Zhen’s first time witnessing the brutality of war. Every day, he heard the incessant clang of weapons. A young soldier who had cheerfully greeted him this morning would be lying on the ground in the evening while wailing with a severed arm. He wasn’t a soldier and couldn’t help with the fighting, so to avoid being a nuisance, the most he could do was help with chores with Ji An.

 

Jiang Yunyu issued a military order: “For any city captured, not a single plant or piece of wood is to be harmed. Those who seize the opportunity to cause chaos will be executed without pardon.” A few Khitan soldiers who stole from a city’s shops were hung in the military camp for three days and three nights as a warning. After that, no one dared to offend again.

 

He was, after all, a general of the Great Heng Empire and cared about the common people. In every city they reached, he offered peace before a fight. As long as there were those who surrendered, not a single soldier was killed. His reputation preceded him. After taking two cities, they rested for a day and sent a scout ahead to the next location with a sincere message to urge the local officials to surrender. The commander guarding that city had once fought alongside him and now they were on opposite sides, which was a source of great sorrow.

 

How could Ji Zhen not see the pain of Jiang Yunyu and his elder brother? They were originally subjects of the Great Heng Empire, and many officials they had encountered recently had crossed paths with them before. Drawing a sword against their own people was truly heartbreaking.

 

Ji Zhen admitted that he was a coward and didn’t dare to fight on the front lines. Just looking at the daily increasing number of casualties was already enough to make him lose heart and soul.

 

“Young Master, you have no appetite again?” Ji An sighed as he packed up the rations. “It’s only been half a month; who knows how long this war will last?”

 

Ji Zhen folded his clothes and looked at the water pot on the table. “Ji An, go get some water.”

 

Ji An replied with a sound of assent and nimbly walked out of the tent with the water pot.

 

Ji Zhen sat quietly for a moment, then got up and took the remaining bowl of water outside.

 

It was almost dusk and the sky was filled with brilliant, colorful clouds. The entire military camp was bathed in golden light. Jiang Yunyu and Ji Jue were in the military tent discussing tomorrow’s attack strategy. When Ji Zhen walked past, the tall guards in front of the tent stood like solemn gods, not even moving their eyes.

 

He walked a little further, then his steps gradually slowed down.

 

Shen Yanqing sat in the prisoner cart with his back to him not far away. The wooden cart was too short, forcing him to have to bend his usually straight back.

 

Two soldiers were guarding him on either side while laughing and talking about something. Suddenly, one of them kicked the prisoner cart and they burst into laughter.

 

The cart shook violently but Shen Yanqing didn’t even move an inch.

 

Ji Zhen’s hand trembled as he held the bowl of water, causing some to spill. He had seen scenes like this countless times before. The last time, he had seen Shen Yanqing’s water bowl kicked over in the cart and he had no water to drink for the entire day. And how many times had Shen Yanqing been slighted when he wasn’t looking?

 

Ji Zhen nervously took a step and came to Shen Yanqing’s prisoner cart.

 

When the two soldiers saw it was him, they said in surprise, “Why are you here, Young Master Qin?”

 

Hearing this, Shen Yanqing who was inside the prisoner cart finally moved. He half-lifted his eyes to look at Ji Zhen, whom he hadn’t seen in days.

 

For half a month, Shen Yanqing had been trapped for the most part in this prisoner cart, where he couldn’t even stand while exposed to wind, rain, and sun. Even when he was out of the short cart, the layers of heavy shackles on his body still restricted his every move. Under such a strain, he had long lost his usual elegant and handsome demeanor. Only his pair of cold, clear eyes still showed a glimpse of his former grace.

 

 

Ji Zhen forced a smile at the guards. “Can I speak with him alone?”

 

The guards hesitated for a moment but, remembering the special treatment Ji Zhen received from Jiang Yunyu, agreed and walked about ten steps away.

 

This was the first time Ji Zhen had come to see Shen Yanqing since the start of the campaign. Before, he had only watched from afar, never daring to look for long and just stealing fleeting glances. Seeing Shen Yanqing up close like this, he realized that the other party’s situation was a hundred times worse than he had imagined.

 

Shen Yanqing was fond of cleanliness. When he was at the Shen Mansion, he bathed daily even in the dead of winter and never appeared before others with a speck of dirt on him. His hair was well-kept, black, long, and smooth, and his complexion was delicate and fair. In the past, when Ji Zhen lay in his arms, he liked to play with the ends of his hair and secretly touch the side of his face while he was asleep. Sometimes, when Shen Yanqing caught him red-handed, he would scold Ji Zhen for being restless in a low voice but thinking back, he never truly stopped him.

 

But now, this elegant person was in rags, his hair disheveled, his face smeared with dirt, his lips chapped, and his hands cracked.

 

Shen Yanqing’s hands were exceptionally beautiful with broad palms, long, slender fingers, well-defined knuckles, and calluses from holding a brush and a sword. But Ji Zhen now noticed that these fair hands were covered in dry cracks. Two of his fingernails were even ripped up, revealing the raw, red flesh underneath.

 

This was what Shen Yanqing had done to himself to endure the burning pain in his chest.

 

He noticed Ji Zhen’s gaze and slowly hid his fingertips.

 

Shen Yanqing hadn’t forgotten why Ji Zhen had developed feelings for him. For a moment, he even wanted to hide his own filthiness. But the prisoner cart was open on all sides; he had nowhere to hide and could only let Ji Zhen examine him.

 

Suddenly, he wasn’t sure he wanted Ji Zhen to visit him or not. Just watching him from a distance had been enough.

 

Ji Zhen lowered his eyes to hide his grief. Inside the prisoner cart was a chipped porcelain bowl with only half a bowl of murky water. He choked back his sobs several times before slowly extending the water he had brought into the cart while saying, “Drink.”

 

Shen Yanqing’s chapped lips rested on the rim of the bowl but his eyes were fixed on Ji Zhen. He hadn’t drunk clean water in so long that he drank it a little too quickly. The cool water soothed his parched throat, but at the same time, an uncontrollable itch rose within him. He coughed violently, and a thread of blood dropped into the bowl, wriggling like a worm in the water.

 

Ji Zhen let go in surprise. The porcelain bowl landed on the floor of the cart without breaking, and the remaining two sips of water dampened Shen Yanqing’s pants.

 

He stood there at a loss like a child who had made a mistake. Shen Yanqing said in a hoarse voice, “It’s fine. The wind will dry it.”

 

Hearing Shen Yanqing’s hoarse voice, Ji Zhen’s eyes, which were only a little red before, were now filled with tears that streamed down his cheeks. He vigorously wiped his face and asked in confusion and pain, “Why did it end up like this?”

 

He didn’t need Shen Yanqing to answer and mumbled to himself, “Don’t think I’ll go soft on you.”

 

As if to prove the credibility of his last statement, he stared at Shen Yanqing and said with difficulty, “I will never be soft-hearted. It’s you, you…”

 

“It’s my own fault. It has nothing to do with you.” Shen Yanqing finished his sentence.

 

Ji Zhen stood frozen with his lips opening and closing and only letting out a sharp sob from his nose.

 

Shen Yanqing wanted to get closer to Ji Zhen but as he moved, the iron chains on his body clanged loudly. Ji Zhen was startled by the sudden noise and took a half-step back.

 

This action in Shen Yanqing’s eyes was no different from Ji Zhen being disgusted by his filthiness. His body stiffened slightly as he sat back down and gave a self-deprecating smile. “My appearance… did it scare you?”

 

Ji Zhen’s nose stung, and his eyes burned. He finally stopped crying and heard Shen Yanqing say, “I have a request.”

 

“When the army attacks the capital, let me die.” A dark light flickered in Shen Yanqing’s eyes. “I don’t want to be paraded through the streets.”

 

Once Jiang Yunyu broke through the city, Shen Yanqing, as a prisoner, would certainly be presented to the people and endure public humiliation and ridicule.

 

Ji Zhen was suddenly reminded of the day of the top scholar’s parade through the main street. The entire lane was filled with laughter, and flowers rained down from the sky. The pride of a man riding a swift horse, able to see all the flowers of the capital in a single day. What a proud and glorious sight that was.

 

With Shen Yanqing’s words, his heart ached as if it had been dragged to the ground and stomped on. He could no longer bear to face Shen Yanqing’s suffering. He didn’t even dare to respond to Shen Yanqing’s request and took a few steps back and ran.

 

A light but firm voice came from behind him.

 

“During the plague in Jinzhou, I witnessed hundreds and thousands of people die every day. At that time, I thought, As long as you live well, I have no other request.”

 

“Ji Zhen, don’t look back. Don’t be soft-hearted.”

 

“I would gladly endure this.”

 

Ji Zhen’s footsteps paused, then he ran even faster. In the setting sun, the low moans of the wounded soldiers could be vaguely heard.

 

He used all his strength to scramble into his tent and fell to the ground with a thump with his weak limbs. His palm scraped hard against the rough ground, tearing off a layer of skin.

 

He turned over his reddened palm and stared at it blankly. In an instant, a few lines of tears fell down.

 

So, this is how it feels to be in pain.

 

The author has something to say:

Zhen Zhen: My heart hurts.