HXC Chapter72

When Ji Jue rushed back to the mansion, Ji Zhen was sitting quietly on a stone stool in the courtyard.

 

It was already springtime and the tender branches throughout the courtyard had sprouted, some even with flower buds. The scene was one of quiet serenity.

 

Fearing he would disturb Ji Zhen, Ji Jue deliberately slowed his steps. It wasn’t until he stood before him that the lost-in-thought person looked up, gently calling out, “Gege.”

 

He really had woken up.

 

Ji Jue’s heart was a mix of joy and sorrow. When Ji Zhen was confused, he could be coaxed with comforting words, but now he had to face the reality of Shen Yanqing’s disappearance—or perhaps a more cruel truth.

 

Ji Jue expected Ji Zhen to be upset and to cry, but Ji Zhen seemed so calm. He even asked, “Gege, why are you back so early?”

 

The new emperor had only recently ascended the throne, and as a high-ranking official, Ji Jue had endless state affairs to attend to and was rarely home during the day.

 

Before Ji Jue could speak, Ji Zhen said in a low voice, “I wanted to let Shen Yanqing’s parents stay here, but they didn’t want to.”

 

As he mentioned Shen Yanqing’s name, his gaze darkened.

 

A month had passed since the incident. Ji Zhen refused to believe that Shen Yanqing was among the bloody, mangled bodies, but the people Ji Jue sent out could not find any news of Shen Yanqing. His subordinates said that Shen Yanqing might no longer be alive, but they only dared to say such things privately, never in front of Ji Zhen.

 

Ji Jue tried to comfort him, “Jinzhou is a vast area. It will surely take some time to find him…”

 

“Gege,” Ji Zhen said firmly, “I want to go to Jinzhou to find him myself.”

 

Ji Jue’s brows furrowed slightly. In his heart, he had almost already accepted what his subordinates said. After the fire, the military camp was reduced to ashes. The soldiers were either dead or wounded, and only those who had leapt down the slope survived by sheer luck, but Shen Yanqing was not among them. If he were still alive, he would have surely come to the capital by now. A month had passed without any news, so searching now was just a formality.

 

Not wanting to agitate Ji Zhen, Ji Jue said earnestly, “The political situation is still unstable. It’s safer for you to stay at the mansion. I will do my best to continue the search.”

 

Just as the two were speaking, Ji An, who had been sent to see off the Shen parents, returned and relayed everything he had learned from Yu He.

 

“My lord didn’t want to take me with him before he left the capital, and I found it strange at the time. It turns out he left me behind to take care of the Master and the Old Madam.”

 

“A few days after my lord’s departure, Miss Wang came by late at night and told them everything my lord had planned. After reading the letter, the Master and Old Madam cried endlessly. In the end, they secretly left the capital with Miss Wang, and not long after, news of my lord’s assassination of the Khitan king spread.”

 

“During this time, we were all hiding in a remote village. The Old Madam cried every day until His Majesty ascended the throne and only then did we dare to come back and see you secretly.”

 

“Is my lord dead or alive? Please, for the sake of the many years we spent together, give us a definite answer.”

 

Towards the end, Yu He was about to kneel down to Ji An.

 

Ji An wiped his nose and said, “Young Master, that’s all there is.”

 

Ji Zhen lowered his head as his mother’s questioning words echoed once again in his ears.

 

“He went to the Northern Desert to find you, why did you return alone?”

 

A heavy punch seemed to hit him in the chest, and the pain left Ji Zhen feeling numb. He gritted his teeth and said, “Shen Yanqing is not dead. I will find him.”

 

He then said firmly to his elder brother, “Gege, please let me go.”

 

Ji Jue looked at Ji Zhen’s unwavering determination, and the words of persuasion he had prepared died on his lips. Ji Zhen’s feelings for Shen Yanqing were clear for all to see. The two were like a pair of conjoined twins, if one was harmed, the other would be too. If Ji Zhen were to lucidly wait for news of Shen Yanqing, it would be more painful than remaining in a confused state.

 

After a long moment of silence, Ji Jue finally said, “I will agree to you, but you must also promise me that you will take care of yourself in all matters. Can you do that?”

 

Ji Zhen’s eyes were red as he nodded heavily.

 

“One month is the limit. If there’s still no news after one month, you must return to the capital.”

 

Tears welled in Ji Zhen’s eyes as he choked out, “One month… it’s too short.”

 

Ji Jue didn’t want him to search in vain. He held his hand and said, “Zhen Zhen, don’t make me worry about you in the capital.”

 

Ji Zhen looked at his elder brother’s gentle eyes and finally nodded, knowing he had already caused him too much concern.

 

Before leaving for Jinzhou, Ji Zhen first went to the Shen family’s mansion.

 

The gate was still sealed, so he couldn’t enter and could only stand on the steps.

 

He had lived here for nearly four years and had crossed this threshold countless times with Shen Yanqing, but now he could only look on from afar.

 

He heard whispers behind him. A passerby carelessly threw some filth at the entrance of the Shen Mansion and it landed right at Ji Zhen’s feet. The man exclaimed, “Oh, sorry, little brother, I didn’t mean to…”

 

Ji Zhen turned around and the man’s words died on his lips the moment he saw his face.

 

Another passerby exclaimed in surprise, “Ji Zhen, why is he here?”

 

The political landscape had undergone a huge change. The Ji family had risen from the dirt and was now trusted by the new emperor. Ji Zhen’s status had also risen, and while people might gossip about his past in private, no one dared to show him disrespect anymore.

 

The man quickly bowed and said, “It’s Young Master Ji.”

 

Ji Zhen stared at the filth on the ground. The Shen family’s doorframe had always been clean and tidy but now it was a place where people spat and discarded waste. It pained his eyes and he couldn’t bear to look at it anymore.

 

He suddenly remembered the abandoned clay Buddha in the countryside. When people had a request, they worshipped it with great reverence, but once it fell into disuse, it was treated worse than dirt. Snobbery and hypocrisy were age-old tradition, people only cared about who climbed the highest and fell the hardest.

 

The pedestrians didn’t think Ji Zhen was there to remember the past. They flattered him by saying, “Young Master Ji comes from a noble family. That Shen Yanqing was truly an ungrateful idiot back then, don’t you all agree?”

 

Some agreed while others were silent but no one refuted it.

 

Ji Zhen listened to the flattery and couldn’t help but let out a low laugh. He found it absurd that he, Ji Zhen, would one day be so sought after.

 

Ji An observed Ji Zhen’s expression and drove the crowd away by saying, “You don’t need to say how my Young Master is. Disperse.”

 

The pedestrians scattered like startled birds but their mouths were still muttering endlessly.

 

Ji Zhen’s fingers were so stiff they felt paralyzed. Suddenly, he kicked the filth on the ground with all his might. The dirty water splattered onto his shoes but he didn’t even notice. He grabbed a broom from a nearby vendor’s stall and began to sweep the entrance of the Shen family’s mansion.

 

The people who had walked a few steps away all stared at him as if he were a madman.

 

Ji Zhen paid them no mind. After sweeping the filth away, he went to a nearby well to fetch water and scrubbed the ground.

 

Ji An also helped him clean while grumbling, “They have no shame. They used to say such horrible things and now they’ve changed their tune. Bah…”

 

Ji Zhen’s movements slowed as he looked up at the Shen family’s plaque that was now covered in cobwebs.

 

The Shen family had always been honorable. They shouldn’t be ruined like this.

 

—

 

The boat trip lasted a full month, and they were finally about to head back.

 

They had stopped to rest a few times along the way, but because it was the fishing off-season, the fishermen were afraid of being caught by officials. They only dared to stop at uninhabited small islands or small, backward fishing villages.

 

These places could only be reached by boat and news was slow to arrive, so Shen Yanqing’s plan to travel by land fell through. Fortunately, upon hearing that Jiang Yuyu’s campaign had succeeded, he felt a small weight lift from his heart.

 

His eyes were still blurry. Things in the distance looked foggy, and even things up close were just shadows.

 

The young man who found Shen Yanqing was in charge of his daily care and came to change his bandages every day. The conditions on the boat were very limited, and there was little fresh food. Shen Yanqing’s injuries kept getting worse and there was no hope for his eyesight to recover.

 

The town they stopped at today was still underdeveloped, yet livelier than the previous ones. Hearing the chatter of people along the shore, Shen Yanqing asked a question.

 

The young man replied, “There’s a post station here, but only small boats pass through. They don’t take passengers, only official couriers, and they might not even be faster than our fishing boat.”

 

There was no paper or ink on the boat, so Shen Yanqing used a carving knife to engrave the character “Qing” onto a bamboo board. He then asked the young man to take the board to the post station and have it delivered to Ji Jue.

 

The young man hesitated a little. “My Lord, my father told me not to provoke any officials…”

 

Shen Yanqing had considered finding a local official to discuss his return to the capital but with his unclear vision and little knowledge of the outside world, it was safer to stay on the boat. He just wanted one more way for Ji Zhen to know his whereabouts.

 

Shen Yanqing said, “It’s just for sending a message. It’s no big deal.”

 

Only then did the young man take the bamboo board and leave.

 

Just as the young man was about to enter the market after getting off the boat, his father stopped him. After explaining the situation, the man took the bamboo board and quietly said, “Just tell him you delivered it.”

 

The young man was surprised. “But…”

 

“Even though Lord Shen was kind to us in Jinzhou, he’s not the same as before. If they find out we’re sheltering a criminal, we’ll be in serious trouble. We can’t send this bamboo board.”

 

The young man scratched his head. Unable to argue with his father, he could only watch as the bamboo board was discarded in a wooden basket on the shore.

 

An hour later, the fishing boat set off again. The young man went back to the cabin and told Shen Yanqing that the bamboo board had been sent.

 

Shen Yanqing gave his first faint smile in a month. “Thank you.”

 

If his vision were clear, he would have noticed the young man’s forced calm.

 

What a pity.

 

—

 

Jinzhou was full of flowers and Ji Zhen had been there for ten days already.

 

He didn’t dare to waste a single day. He went around with a portrait of Shen Yanqing and asked everyone he met. Most of the people in Jinzhou recognized Shen Yanqing, but the answer was always the same: they hadn’t seen him.

 

In the first few days, Ji Zhen was full of confidence, believing that Shen Yanqing was waiting for him somewhere. But as he walked through every inch of Jinzhou without getting any news, he began to panic.

 

Ji Zhen had no appetite and couldn’t sleep at night. His already thin body became so skinny that he looked like a sheet of paper that could be blown away by the wind.

 

Even so, he refused to give up.

 

Every night, he dreamed of Shen Yanqing surrounded by flames. But every time he desperately tried to rush toward him, Shen Yanqing would leap into the sea of fire before he could even reach him.

 

When he woke up, his temples were soaked, and he was drenched in sweat.

 

Ji Zhen knew in his heart that everyone believed Shen Yanqing was dead. Sometimes, even he had this terrifying thought. Ji An had once seen Ji Zhen curl up in a corner and weep in anguish, but after he was done crying, he would continue his search as if nothing had happened.

 

Before Ji Zhen left, Divine Physician Sai had taken his pulse and told Ji Jue privately that Ji Zhen’s mind was fractured. His obsession was deep, and once he accepted the truth of Shen Yanqing’s death, he would suffer a mental breakdown and might go mad for the rest of his life.

 

His endless search was, in the end, nothing more than an escape from the reality of Shen Yanqing’s death.

 

Ten days, then half a month… Ji Zhen’s feet were covered in blisters and he was dizzy but he never stopped walking.

 

The one-month deadline was approaching and Shen Yanqing was still nowhere to be found. Even Ji An, who was traveling with him, had lost hope but didn’t dare to persuade Ji Zhen to return to the capital. He often saw Ji Zhen sitting blankly while stroking the pink jade bracelet on his wrist, his eyes turning red as he watched.

 

Ji Zhen came out of the room and saw Ji An kneeling in the moonlight with his hands clasped together while praying to the bright moon. He muttered, “Matchmaker, please have mercy on my Young Master, have mercy on this pair of lovers. Let them be reunited soon…”

 

He hide behind the door as he listened to Ji An’s prayer with his hands pressed to his mouth to stifle the sobs escaping his throat. His longing for Shen Yanqing was like the thick, bottomless night.

 

The silver moon was a crescent shaped. The road stretched long, and his soul ached in pain. The dream could not cross the treacherous mountain passes.

 

The endless longing breaking the heart and soul.