LC chapter 46

 

Suanzi spent a whole day and night alone with Lin Ruan. Early the next morning, he emerged from Lin Ruan’s room with a pale face.

Zhanxi had prepared lavish gifts to thank Suanzi, but he asked for nothing.

“This is the cause my master set in motion. It’s up to me to resolve it.” Suanzi rolled up his sleeves, revealing that the red agate bead bracelet was gone from his wrist. He looked at Zhanxi and said, “Lin Ruan’s fate is no longer tied to yours. What do you plan to do next?”

Zhanxi’s expression was calm. “Lin Ruan is my consort. I won’t treat him badly.”

Suanzi laughed and said, “I didn’t want to ask that question at first. Everyone has their own fate, and no one has to be responsible for another’s life. But Lin Ruan…his life has been intertwined with yours, and he has been greatly influenced by you.” Suanzi looked at Zhanxi. “To put it bluntly, you should let him go.”

Zhanxi didn’t speak. His eyes seemed shrouded in mist, making it difficult to see him clearly.

With that, Suanzi clasped his hands in farewell and left the Lan Mansion on a damp morning.

After Suanzi left, Zhanxi went into the room to see Lin Ruan. Lin Ruan was still lying on the bed with his eyes closed, looking very obedient. He had an obedient appearance, but was rebellious at heart and always thought differently from others.

Zhanxi sat beside him and reached out to touch Lin Ruan’s forehead. He no longer had a fever, and his furrowed brows of discomfort had relaxed as if he were asleep.

Zhanxi rubbed Lin Ruan’s cheek with his knuckles. His voice echoed in the silent room. “I wanted you to love me with your whole personality. But I didn’t expect that once you had your own thoughts, you would leave me.”

Zhanxi leaned down and kissed Lin Ruan’s brows and eyes, feeling desolate in his heart. “I keep feeling like I’m going to lose you.”

Lin Ruan woke up at dusk. He felt as if he had slept for a long time; his body was soft from sleep. Seeing him awake, Tong Bo kept chanting Buddha’s name: “You’re finally awake.”

Rarely seeing Tong Bo so worried, Lin Ruan asked, “What’s the matter?”

Seeing Lin Ruan’s dazed look, Tong Bo became angry. “You still have the nerve to ask? You slept for days and scared all of us.”

Tong Bo told Lin Ruan everything that had happened these past few days. Lin Ruan touched his stomach and realized that was why he was so hungry.

Aunt Cao had already prepared food for him—a light, stomach-soothing porridge. Lin Ruan ate while asking, “Where is Sir?

“Master is in the greenhouse,” said Tong Bo. “While you were unconscious, Master was extremely worried and didn’t sleep well. When you see him later, be considerate and don’t upset him again.”

Tong Bo always thought Zhanxi was perfect and blamed any faults on others. Lin Ruan nodded absently.

After finishing the meal, he ran to the greenhouse. The weather was bright and pleasant. The garden was lush with good views everywhere.

Lin Ruan pushed open the door to the greenhouse. Zhan Xi was playing the zither, but the notes were uneven and off-key. Sunlight poured over him, making it seem as if he were glowing himself.

Lin Ruan walked over and called out, “Sir?”

The music stopped. Zhanxi looked at Lin Ruan, his expression as calm as ever. He put down the zither and waved to Lin Ruan. Lin Ruan sat cross-legged in front of Zhanxi.

Zhanxi first touched Lin Ruan’s forehead. Lin Ruan tilted his head and said, “I don’t have a fever anymore. I’m fine.”

Zhanxi responded faintly. Lin Ruan held out his hand and asked, “Sir, are you okay?”

He looked at Zhanxi. “Tong Bo said you stayed with me these past few days while I was unconscious.”

Zhanxi lowered his eyes and suddenly said, “When I was unconscious, didn’t you stay with me too? It’s only fair, one for one.”

What does fairness mean between lovers? Lin Ruan didn’t understand. He only asked, “Sir, are you upset?”

“No.” Zhanxi took a deep breath, wanting to say something, but his throat felt like it was made of iron, choking him.

Lin Ruan looked at Zhanxi, then suddenly hugged him and snuggled into his arms. “Sir, don’t be upset. Can I stay with you?”

Zhanxi’s throat moved. He wrapped his arms around Lin Ruan tightly, as if trying to draw warmth from him in the dead of winter.

Zhanxi finally agreed to let Lin Ruan study in Shanghai.

Lin Ruan was overjoyed. He asked Zhanxi why he agreed, but Zhanxi didn’t answer. He said that if Lin Ruan asked again, he would regret it.

Lin Ruan didn’t dare ask again. Zhanxi explained the current situation. He told Lin Ruan that the north and south were still in balance, but in about six months, this balance would be broken and war could break out. Zhanxi also told Lin Ruan that Shanghai, being an important southern city, would not easily fall into chaos or be taken by the northern government anytime soon.

As long as Lin Ruan didn’t get involved with Zhanxi and went to Shanghai as an ordinary person, he wouldn’t face great risks within a year.

Zhanxi would also ensure that anyone coming from the north to verify Lin Ruan’s identity would not return.

Lin Ruan listened carefully. This was his first long trip, and he felt excited yet nervous.

Zhanxi looked at Lin Ruan, who he had been watching closely lately. His eyes were filled with unspoken words.

“You will walk alone on the path ahead,” Zhanxi said, pinching the back of Lin Ruan’s neck and looking at him for a long time. “I won’t go with you.”

Lin Ruan looked up at Zhanxi. Eager to grow up, he wanted to prove to Zhanxi that he could live well on his own. He wanted to show Zhanxi that he was independent and had a complete personality, and that he truly loved him.

The day Lin Ruan left Beijing was a sunny one. The front gate of the train station was crowded, and the sound of a train roaring in the distance could be heard. Near the platform, many people waited; behind them, workers in gray uniforms carried goods.

Those waiting for Lin Ruan’s first-class carriage were dressed nicely. Not far from Lin Ruan were two young people: a man in a long gown holding a small suitcase and a woman in a fashionable long dress.

The young couple lingered, reluctant to part, like a pair of Mandarin ducks. Lin Ruan watched them for a while, then looked at Zhanxi beside him. Zhanxi wore a thin windbreaker that was slightly lifted by the wind. Amid the crowd, his beauty was mesmerizing.

Lin Ruan moved closer to Zhanxi, who seemed unaware of his thoughts.

The train arrived, steaming white clouds billowing from its engine as it entered the station with a loud rumble that made ears ring. The crowd surged onto the train.

Shi Ning handed Lin Ruan the suitcase. Lin Ruan took it and looked at Zhanxi. Zhanxi adjusted his collar and said, “Go.”

Lin Ruan stepped forward and hugged Zhanxi. Zhanxi’s hand hovered in the air for a moment before lightly stroking Lin Ruan’s back.

Lin Ruan waved and followed the crowd onto the train.

With his hands in his pockets, Zhanxi watched Lin Ruan’s back. “Do you think he’ll come back?”

Shining asked.
“Of course. There is someone the young master cares about. How could he not return?”

Zhanxi smiled lightly with a hint of bitterness.

Lin Ruan boarded the train and counted the carriage numbers until he reached his. The carriage was spacious, with a table in the middle and sofas on both sides. Lin Ruan put his suitcase aside, sat on the sofa, and looked out. The train hadn’t moved yet, and he could still see Zhanxi.

He leaned against the window, unsure what to say to Zhanxi.

Not far away was the girl in the long dress that he had seen before. He heard someone in the carriage shout—probably her lover.

“When I come back, I’ll marry you!”

The girl was moved to tears. They made a lifetime promise in the context of separation. Was their promise serious? At that moment, they had the courage to make it.

At that instant, Lin Ruan suddenly understood. Marriage is the desire to grow old with you, the courage to come back to you no matter where I go, and the love I have for you right now, regardless of what the future holds.

I know I will come back. I will definitely come back.

The train started moving. Ignoring everything else, Lin Ruan reached his hand out the window and shouted, “Zhanxi!”

Zhanxi, who was about to leave, stopped and turned to look at Lin Ruan. Lin Ruan pressed against the window, straining to see him.

“When I come back, we’ll get married!”

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