WBAI Chapter 48

Xie An’yu wasn’t avoiding Yu Feng—he was avoiding the risk of ‘losing’ him. Yu Feng was important to him, someone he couldn’t afford to lose carelessly.

But acting so awkwardly might only make him lose Yu Feng even faster.

Xie An’yu gave a quiet ‘Mm’ in response to Yu Feng’s words. “I know.”

Yu Feng understood Xie An’yu was shy, so he didn’t press the matter further, letting him sit in the back seat to ponder life.

Xie An’yu had only taken a few sips of his milk tea. He held the cup with one hand, his wrist resting on his thigh, his thumb idly brushing against the cup. A little while later, Yu Feng’s voice came from the front seat: “I’ve never heard you mention you had a friend in Beicheng before.”

And a college student friend at that.

“He’s my high school classmate,” Xie An’yu said.

“From your hometown?”

“Mm.”

Yu Feng suddenly remembered—back when he had chatted with Xie An’yu online as ‘Xiao Zhou’, Xie An’yu had asked him what gift would be suitable for a friend. That friend must have been this guy.

Later, they were going to Yue Lai’s place for hot pot. Zhou Yi had already bought the ingredients from the supermarket and taken them over, telling Yu Feng to just bring Xie An’yu directly.

Today, there was an extra person at Yue Lai’s place—a colleague from the bookstore, a cheerful girl with fair skin and eyes that curved into a crescent-moon when she smiled.

Yu Feng had once suspected Zhou Yi was so dedicated to Yue Lai because he had some special feelings for him, but seeing this girl today made him realize he’d been overthinking things.

It was clear that Yue Lai and the girl had a mutual interest in each other; the body language when they interacted couldn’t be faked.

During dinner, Yu Feng observed Zhou Yi. The guy was in high spirits the whole time and had obviously noticed Yue Lai’s interest in the girl, subtly steering the conversation toward them.

When they stepped out for a smoke and some casual talk, Yu Feng said bluntly to Zhou Yi, “I actually thought you had a thing for Yue Lai.”

Zhou Yi nearly bit his tongue on his cigarette. “People say ‘rotten eyes sees gay everywhere[mfn]腐眼看人基 (fǔ yǎn kàn rén jī): lit. rotten eyes sees gay people; looking at the interactions between men from the perspective of a rotten girl will always lead to over-interpretation of homosexuality. A popular internet term that originated from the self-deprecating expression of the rotten girls group (fujoshi), used to describe the excessive association of normal interactions between male characters with homosexual ambiguous relationships. It originated as a self-deprecating term among fujoshi (rotten girls) but was later widely used in film and television promotions and fan circles. It is sometimes used to deny the deliberate creation of homosexual relationships (selling fujoshi), and is sometimes used to criticize double standards, where normal male interactions are forcibly labeled as “selling fujoshi”.[/mfn]’, how come you’re gay who sees gay everywhere?”

Zhou Yi laughed as he said it, turning his head to exhale a puff of smoke. “You think everyone is gay like you?”

Yu Feng shot him a sidelong glance. “Haven’t seen you with a girlfriend all this time either.”

“Not my priority,” Zhou Yi said with a laugh. “I don’t want to suffer the pains of love like you. Being single is much more carefree. These days, I think freedom should be the top priority in life.”

“Why’d you start smoking again?”

Zhou Yi had quit smoking after he became a teacher. Yu Feng hadn’t seen him smoke in years. But recently, he’d picked it up again somehow.

“Because I’m troubled.”

“Speak like a normal person.”

Zhou Yi tapped his cigarette ash into a disposable paper cup and sighed. “I’ve been fighting with my family… They’ve been setting me up on blind dates seven or eight times a month. It’s like they’re desperate for me to find a woman and get married immediately. Who could handle that?”

Zhou Yi had always been quite accommodating toward his parents—filial and soft-hearted. He had even chosen to become a teacher because they had wanted him to.

Zhou Yi looked at Yu Feng with a smile. “I didn’t realize I needed to rebel until I reached this age.”

“Perfect timing—financially stable, mature outlook.” Yu Feng glanced at him. “This is the best age to rebel.”

Zhou Yi raised an eyebrow at him. “You get me.”

“The main thing is, I don’t want to rush into marriage,” Zhou Yi said, taking a drag of his cigarette. “I can’t take responsibility for someone I don’t love.”

He stubbed the cigarette into a paper cup filled with water, extinguishing it with a hiss.

“By the way, I’m bringing a colleague with me to Shuangye Isle this time,” Zhou Yi said. “Yue Lai and the others aren’t coming. Just the three of us would be too quiet.”

Originally, they had wanted to invite Yue Lai and that young woman along, but they’d be staying at Shuangye Isle for at least four days, and the bookstore couldn’t afford such a long leave.

Yu Feng nodded. “Mm.”

“Later, let Xiao Xie make us a travel guide.”

Yu Feng shot him a glance. “Why don’t you do it yourself?”

Zhou Yi clicked his tongue. “A cow eating air still acting like a family member now. Don’t spoil the kid too much, I’m telling you.”

“That place is where he grew up, not some tourist spot. And his home’s already been demolished. What kind of mood do you expect him to be in to write you a travel guide?”

Zhou Yi fell silent, his brow furrowed. “Ah… I… Ah, why’d you have to bring that up? I was in a good mood today.”

Hearing Yu Feng recount Xie An’yu’s circumstances again instantly dragged his mood down to rock bottom, as if these things had happened to him personally.

***

When it was time to leave, Xie An’yu still hadn’t finished his milk tea. The amount left was exactly the same as when they arrived. Yet he couldn’t bring himself to throw it away—after all, it was something Guo Tianyang’s girlfriend had specially bought for him. Tossing it just like that felt inappropriate.

Xie An’yu carried the milk tea as he walked out of the alley with Yu Feng, who glanced at the drink in his hand and asked, “Did that milk tea save your life?”

Xie An’yu paused mid-step, the remark nearly making him laugh.

“If you don’t want to drink it, just throw it away,” Yu Feng said. “Isn’t it tiring to keep holding it?”

Xie An’yu wasn’t fond of milk tea. This one had been ordered by Ding Ying before they even arrived at the shop—the most basic pearl milk tea. Since it had already been bought for him, he couldn’t outright refuse the gesture. He’d forced himself to take a sip earlier but couldn’t bring himself to drink more afterward.

It wasn’t that the milk tea tasted bad—he just wasn’t used to it.

He looked at the cup in his hand.

Forget it. Just chug it.

Xie An’yu lowered his head and took a big gulp, filling his mouth with pearls until his cheeks puffed out.

“Your friend bought this for you?” Yu Feng asked.

Xie An’yu chewed a few times, swallowing the pearls before answering, “His girlfriend did.”

Yu Feng’s eyebrows shot up. “He has a girlfriend?”

Xie An’yu nodded. “We were chatting together before you arrived.”

“If you drink that whole thing, you won’t be able to sleep tonight.”

Xie An’yu thought that not being able to sleep was a good thing. That way, he wouldn’t have any more strange dreams, and he wouldn’t have to wake up to his damp underwear again.

The idea that drinking milk tea might keep him awake tonight suddenly energized him. He took another huge slurp, this one akin to a hurricane’s suction, draining half the cup in one go.

Yu Feng saw right through his little scheme and chuckled at his train of thought.

That deep, quiet laugh seemed to dispel the subtle tension lingering between them, giving Xie An’yu the illusion that everything had returned to normal.

For a brief moment, Xie An’yu’s mind settled, and he finished off the remaining half of the milk tea.

After returning home, Yu Feng reapplied some iodine to Xie An’yu’s wounds, focusing mainly on the deeper ones. Last night, because his hand was bandaged and inconvenient, Xie An’yu hadn’t washed his hair—he’d only taken a quick shower. He couldn’t skip washing it again today, or it would start to smell.

Yu Feng knew Xie An’yu hadn’t washed his hair yesterday. After putting the first aid kit back in the study, he returned and said to Xie An’yu, “Go take a shower first, and after that, I’ll wash your hair for you. Don’t forget to wrap your hand.”

Xie An’yu was taken aback and didn’t say anything for a moment.

Yu Feng glanced back at him as he walked toward the kitchen. “Hmm?”

—If he acted so awkwardly, he might lose things even faster.

Right, he should act natural, normal.

Xie An’yu nodded and said, “Okay.”

Xie An’yu stayed in the bathroom for about seven or eight minutes before the sound of water stopped. Yu Feng called from outside, “Done?”

Xie An’yu pulled on his pajamas and responded.

Yu Feng pushed the door open, greeted by a wave of steam and the faint scent of shower gel.

Xie An’yu was quite particular about cleanliness. Despite his usually simple and unassuming attire, his clothes always carried a fresh fragrance.

Even now, with his hand half out of commission, he still managed to use shower gel.

Xie An’yu’s pajamas were just an old, worn-out T-shirt—the collar looked moth-eaten, frayed all around.

“Wait a sec, I’ll grab a stool from the living room,” Yu Feng said before stepping out of the bathroom.

He returned with a small chair and had Xie An’yu sit in front of the bathtub. Xie An’yu lowered his head, and Yu Feng adjusted the showerhead to a comfortable temperature before starting to rinse his hair.

He had helped Cheng Sheng wash his hair like this before, many years ago—back when he was even younger than Xie An’yu was now, and Cheng Sheng was still in elementary school.

Xie An’yu sat on the small stool, one hand resting on his knee, the other hanging at his side. He wore sandals, and with his legs bent, the hem of his pants had ridden up, revealing his ankles. Fresh from the shower, the bony protrusions of his ankles were still slightly flushed.

Xie An’yu’s ankles were slender—even when he wore socks, the bones were prominent.

He liked wearing white athletic socks, the mid-length kind that stopped about five or six centimeters above the ankle. His calves were firm but lean, and with the recent heat, he often wore athletic shorts. Paired with white sneakers, his long legs were always on display, and Yu Feng couldn’t help but steal glances every time.

Call him lustful—he’d admit it.

Because Xie An’yu was naturally good-looking, and every part of him was captivating—his features, his voice, his skin, his bone structure.

The desire for food and sex is part of human nature[mfn]食色性也 (shí sè xìng yě): to enjoy food and delight in sex is nature; appetite and lust are only natural; by nature we desire food and sex; the desire for food and sex is part of human nature; food and sex are the basic needs of human survival, corresponding to livelihood issues and well-being issues respectively. From Mencius (《孟子·告子上》): 告子曰：「食色，性也。仁，內也，非外也；義，外也，非內也。」, The philosopher Gao said, “To enjoy food and delight in colours is nature. Benevolence is internal and not external; righteousness is external and not internal.” The phrase emphasizes that human life activities are inseparable from the two fundamental needs of food to maintain survival and sexual relations to continue life.[/mfn]—nothing to be ashamed of.

Yu Feng gently massaged Xie An’yu’s hair, his gaze focused but his mind wandering.

Xie An’yu’s neck was so stiff it felt like it might snap with a crack at any moment.

Not from holding the position too long, but from Yu Feng’s fingers threading through his hair.

He regretted it.

He shouldn’t have stubbornly agreed to let Yu Feng wash his hair.

Was this any better than when Yu Feng had dressed his wounds and changed his bandages yesterday?

Not at all.

Warm water trickled from behind Xie An’yu’s ear down to his cheek. His eyes were closed, and the hand hanging at his side clenched slightly.

I love milk tea, I don’t like the pearls though. Is it true drinking milk tea makes you stay awake at night? Is it because of the caffeine in the tea? Caffeine makes me sleepy though… I heard somewhere that feeling sleepy after drinking caffeine indicates that you had ADHD… Hahaha… Really?

[dropdown title=”List of Idiom in Chapter 48″]
有意無意 (yǒu yì wú yì): intentionally or otherwise; seemingly unintentional but actually purposeful; wittingly or unwittingly; consciously or unconsciously; by accident or design; describes a person’s ambiguous state of subjective consciousness. Its core meaning is ‘seemingly intentional, yet seemingly unintentional’.

無可厚非 (wú kě hòu fēi): not altogether inexcusable; hard to blame; reasonable; understandable; give no cause for criticism; have no ground for blame.
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