Ding Ze had reconnected with him two months ago, not frequently. He had asked him out for meals twice, but Shi Wuyang had refused. Later, Ding Ze came to his school to find him, and they had a meal together at a restaurant nearby.
When Shi Wuyang asked what he wanted, Ding Ze said it was nothing—he had just passed the civil service exam and wanted to treat him to a meal.
When Shi Wuyang first met Ding Ze, the latter was still in graduate school. Their relationship hadn’t lasted long, and when they broke up, Ding Ze hadn’t graduated yet. After that, Shi Wuyang had no idea how Ding Ze had been doing.
Passing the civil service exam was a happy occasion, and since Ding Ze had kindly invited him out, refusing again would have been rude.
That meal had been quite pleasant. They caught up on each other’s recent lives and tacitly avoided discussing the past.
Shi Wuyang rummaged through the first aid kit under the coffee table, took out alcohol swabs and band-aids, and handed them to Ding Ze.
Ding Ze accepted them blankly. Shi Wuyang pointed to the area below his right ear: “You have an injury here.”
Ding Ze couldn’t see the spot himself. Shi Wuyang stood up and said, “Never mind, I’ll help you put it on.”
Shi Wuyang wiped the wound below Ding Ze’s ear with an alcohol swab. Ding Ze winced and closed his eyes from the pain. After applying the band-aid, Shi Wuyang asked Ding Ze, “How did this happen?”
The finger marks on his neck and the small wound under his ear—it all looked like it was done by someone.
“My ex-boyfriend did it,” Ding Ze said.
This ex-boyfriend was another man Ding Ze had dated after breaking up with Shi Wuyang. They had broken up half a year ago, but the other man still wouldn’t leave him alone. Not everyone was as graceful and restrained as Shi Wuyang—many people couldn’t part on decent terms.
Yet, Ding Ze sometimes wished Shi Wuyang wouldn’t be so restrained.
Shi Wuyang frowned. “Did he hit you?”
“He wanted to get back together, but I refused. In his frustration, he got physical.”
“Did he hit you when you were together?”
Ding Ze shook his head.
That man had an extremely volatile personality and was overly controlling. Ding Ze hadn’t been with him for long, but he believed that, given time, the man would eventually resort to violence.
And indeed, that turned out to be the case.
“Brother Qi,” Ding Ze glanced at the meal box on the coffee table, “do you… have a boyfriend now?”
Shi Wuyang put the first aid kit back in its place and replied, “No.”
Shi Wuyang had a vague premonition about what Ding Ze was about to say—ever since that celebratory meal for passing the civil service exam.
He and Ding Ze had met in a bar—not a rowdy one, but a quiet lounge where Ding Ze worked as a bartender. He often wore a loose, light-colored shirt, looking young and handsome. His movements while mixing drinks were both neat and elegant. No matter what the customers at the bar were discussing, whether they were talking about him or not, he always maintained that cool, detached expression, mixing drinks with his eyes lowered, exuding an aloof aura.
He rarely spoke to customers, and when someone tried to strike up a conversation, he would only reply briefly, cherishing words like gold. But with Shi Wuyang, he talked quite a bit, occasionally glancing at him while mixing drinks.
It was only later that Shi Wuyang learned Ding Ze was still a university student, working part-time as a bartender. He was a slow-to-warm-up kid, a humanities major, and he and Shi Wuyang had plenty to talk about. His demeanor and appearance were captivating, and as they interacted more, Shi Wuyang gradually developed feelings for him. He was the one who pursued Ding Ze, and before doing so, he carefully considered their future. But after they got together, he realized their personalities weren’t truly compatible.
On the surface, Ding Ze appeared stubborn and aloof, but in reality, he lacked a sense of self.
He was indecisive, not independent in character, and constantly anxious about gains and losses.
Shi Wuyang had always believed that no matter how deep the feelings between two people, they still needed to give each other independent time and space. He had repeatedly lowered his principle for Ding Ze, yet it still wasn’t enough to give him a sense of security.
As a university professor, Shi Wuyang interacted with many people every day. Ding Ze had come to terms with this reality but still often grew suspicious and paranoid.
Time wears everything away, let alone feelings.
Shi Wuyang only liked Ding Ze—it wasn’t love. And after truly getting to know him during their relationship, that fondness grew increasingly insignificant.
The breakup was initiated by Ding Ze, who often brought it up whenever he suspected Shi Wuyang was interested in someone else. During their relationship, Shi Wuyang never developed feelings for anyone else, but his affection for Ding Ze gradually exhausted under the constant cycle of testing and suspicion.
When Ding Ze proposed breaking up for the last time, Shi Wuyang agreed.
Shi Wuyang always believed he was at fault for the end of their relationship. Ding Ze was young and sensitive, and as the older one, Shi Wuyang felt he should have been more considerate of his feelings. But that wasn’t the same as love—it felt more like a responsibility.
Besides, repairing the rift between them was no longer possible.
After the breakup, Ding Ze pleaded to get back together, but Shi Wuyang couldn’t agree. Staying together without genuine feelings would be irresponsible to both of them.
The doorbell rang, and Shi Wuyang went to answer it.
“Happy Little New Year, Professor Shi.” Zhou Yi stood outside with a bright smile on his face.
Shi Wuyang smiled back. “Happy Little New Year.”
Zhou Yi glanced at the bathrobe Shi Wuyang was wearing. “Just finished showering?”
Shi Wuyang hummed in affirmation.
Zhou Yi glanced down and caught sight of a pair of white sneakers inside the doorway.
“You have company?”
“Yes.”
“Then, I—”
“Come in. I’ll see him off in a bit.”
“Alright.”
Zhou Yi changed his shoes and stepped into the house, spotting a handsome young man sitting in the living room. On the coffee table was a transparent glass container filled with dumplings.
Zhou Yi remembered Shi Wuyang had a younger brother, but the person in front of him looked nothing like him—definitely not his brother. And surely not one of his students either. It was Little New Year today; what kid would be bored enough to visit their teacher’s home?
“Wait for me a moment,” Shi Wuyang said to Zhou Yi.
“Wait right here?”
Shi Wuyang chuckled softly, looking down. “Wait wherever you like. You can even wait in my room.”
“What are you going to do?”
“See him home.”
Zhou Yi nodded, glanced at the takeout container on the coffee table, and murmured, “Did I make these dumplings for nothing?”
Shi Wuyang looked at him. “What do you think?”
“Whether it’s unnecessary or not, you’re eating them. Do you know how much effort I put into rolling the dough and mixing the filling?”
Amusement sparkled in Shi Wuyang’s eyes. “You’ve worked hard, Professor Zhou. Leave them here—I’ll eat them when I get back.”
Zhou Yi carried the dumplings to the kitchen.
Shi Wuyang walked to the living room. Ding Ze was staring blankly at Zhou Yi’s retreating figure when Shi Wuyang asked, “How did you get here?”
“By taxi.”
“Give me two minutes to change, then I’ll take you back.”
“Brother Qi, who… is he?”
“A colleague.”
“Just a regular colleague?”
Shi Wuyang countered: “Can colleagues be anything other than regular?”
Ding Ze fell silent.
As Shi Wuyang headed to his room to change clothes, Ding Ze suddenly called out, “Brother Qi.”
Shi Wuyang turned his head slightly. Ding Ze lifted his gaze to meet his eyes and said, “I still want to be with you.”
“Ding Ze,” Shi Wuyang looked at him, his tone and expression gentle, “I don’t want to anymore.”
“Is it because you like someone else?”
Shi Wuyang wanted to make things clearer. He walked over to Ding Ze, crouched down in front of him, and met his gaze at eye level. “It’s not because of that. Our personalities just don’t match.”
“I can change.”
“You don’t need to change yourself for someone else. You need to be yourself.” Shi Wuyang patted his head and gave it a gentle shake. “You also need to love yourself.”
Ding Ze stared at him unblinkingly, tears welling up in his eyes. He raised a hand to wipe his eye, sniffled, and said, “Don’t bother changing. You don’t need to see me home. I’ll go back by myself.”
Shi Wuyang was a bit concerned. “What about your ex-boyfriend? Does he know where you live?”
“That’s a rented apartment. I’m not renewing the lease next month. My current workplace is closer to home, so I’ll be living with my family from now on.”
Shi Wuyang hummed in acknowledgment. “If anything happens, go to your parents. If that guy dares to lay a hand on you again, call the police.”
“I know.” Ding Ze picked up the takeout container from the table and stood up. “I’m leaving, Brother Qi.”
At the door, Ding Ze bid farewell to Shi Wuyang. “Goodbye, Brother Qi. Happy Little New Year.”
“Happy Little New Year.”
Zhou Yi was pretending to be busy in the kitchen, his back turned as he fussed over something. Shi Wuyang walked into the kitchen, stood behind Zhou Yi, and peered over his shoulder at the counter. “Did the dumplings grow legs and run away? What are you so busy with?”
“I’m preparing the Zhou family’s secret sauce for you.”
As he mixed the ingredients, Zhou Yi asked, “Did he leave?”
“He left.”
“Weren’t you supposed to see him home?”
“He didn’t want me to.”
Shi Wuyang stood right behind Zhou Yi, his breath close to his ear, the scent of his shower gel pleasant and soothing.
“Who was that?” Zhou Yi asked.
“A friend.”
“What kind of friend?”
Shi Wuyang had never explicitly told Zhou Yi about his sexual orientation, but he knew the unspoken truth between them was as thin as a cicada’s wing—a gentle breeze would likely tear it apart.
Zhou Yi was indeed playing dumb.
“A boyfriend. From before,” Shi Wuyang said.
Zhou Yi put down the bowl and plate in his hands. “I thought he was someone new you’d found.”
“Zhou Yi, you’re not thinking before you speak.”
“You’re dressed like this, and he looks like that. How could I possibly think before speaking?”
Shi Wuyang was somewhat surprised because Zhou Yi actually seemed displeased. His words implied that he cared deeply about what he had seen when he entered earlier.
“Then are you thinking before you speak now?” Shi Wuyang asked him. “If you are, I’ll take it seriously.”
Zhou Yi turned around, their faces now very close.
“Why are you only starting to take it seriously now?” Zhou Yi looked into his eyes. “Everything I’ve said and done without thinking before—you can take all of it seriously.”
Shi Wuyang’s lips parted, but before he could speak, Zhou Yi asked, “Have you ever thought about giving us a try?”
Shi Wuyang didn’t answer. After a moment, he suddenly grabbed Zhou Yi’s hand and pressed it against his own chest. The collar of his robe was half-open, and Zhou Yi’s palm rested directly against his bare skin.
Zhou Yi’s eyes widened slightly, warmth instantly spreading from his palm.
“I’m a man. My chest is flat, my body is hard. Are you clear about that?” Shi Wuyang asked him. “Do you understand what that means?”
Zhou Yi looked up at him. “Shi Wuyang, do I look like an idiot to you?”
Shi Wuyang chuckled softly and touched his wrist. “If you’re willing to give it a try, then let’s try.”
“Then… should we start with a small test now?” Zhou Yi suggested.
“Hmm?”
Before Shi Wuyang could react, Zhou Yi suddenly grabbed the collar of his robe and pulled him close, leaning in to press their lips together briefly.
Zhou Yi released Shi Wuyang and unconsciously licked his own lips.
Shi Wuyang looked down at his lips and asked quietly, “How does it feel to kiss a man?”
“It was too quick. I couldn’t really feel anything.”
“Then let’s try again.” Shi Wuyang leaned in and kissed his lips. He didn’t use his tongue, but the kiss was lingering—soft, warm presses that left Zhou Yi feeling slightly dizzy.
Zhou Yi’s hands moved to his waist, his breathing growing heavier. “You’re quite skilled at this.”
Shi Wuyang smiled. “I’ve liked you for so long. I’ve practiced in my thoughts until I became skilled.”
Zhou Yi hugged him and heard him whisper in his ear, “Thank you, Professor Zhou, for being willing to try with me.”
The author has something to say:
No need to ask which one was the gong/shou—they’re reversible[mfn]互攻 (hù gōng): In the context of BL (Boys’ Love), “reversible” means that the characters in the relationship are not fixed into the traditional “top” or “bottom” roles and can switch between them. It is common, but not universal, for the two male protagonists of a danmei work to be divided into gong (攻; gōng; lit. ’attacker’) and shou (受; shòu; lit. ’receiver’) roles, meaning “top” and “bottom”. These roles are analogous to the Japanese seme and uke. Some works do not incorporate these roles and instead refer to the protagonists as hugong (互攻; hùgōng; lit. ’mutually attacking’). More information: Link.[/mfn].
[dropdown title=”List of Idiom in Extra 2.2″]
糾纏不清 (jiū chán bù qīng): hopelessly muddled; impossible to unravel; become entangled in; too tangled up to unravel; being confused and having no clue. It also means to intentionally make trouble and hold on to something and not let go.患得患失 (huàn dé huàn shī): to worry about personal gains and losses; to be mean; to be tight-fisted; to be overcautious; to tend to avoid risks; be overanxious about one’s own interests; From the Confucian Analects, Book 17 (《論語·陽貨》): 子曰：「鄙夫！可與事君也與哉？其未得之也，患得之；既得之，患失之。苟患失之，無所不至矣。」 The Master said, “There are those mean creatures! How impossible it is along with them to serve one’s prince! While they have not got their aims, their anxiety is how to get them. When they have got them, their anxiety is lest they should lose them. When they are anxious lest such things should be lost, there is nothing to which they will not proceed.”
疑神疑鬼 (yí shén yí guǐ): to be extremely suspicious; to be afraid of one’s own shadow; to suspect everyone; overly suspicious; be suspicious; be paranoid; imagine things; see ghosts in broad daylight; be haunted by imaginary fears; to doubt this and that.
反反復復 || 反反覆覆 (fǎn fǎn fù fù): over and over; time and time again; repeatedly; again and again; like the burden of a song; repeated many times.
[/dropdown]Check out my completed & current project at my carrd. If you like my translation, you can buy me coffee at Ko-fi~ Thank you.
![My CP must be sweet! [Entertainment circle]](https://novels.space/wp-content/uploads/2021/07/f18561e99e63d0d3356c6d6663a9fa11.jpg "My CP must be sweet! [Entertainment circle]")
