YPHC Chapter 82

“Crash-”

 

Glass shattering, that piercing yet crisp sound was like a dog whistle, making one’s nerves tense reflexively the moment it occurred, fear surging like a tsunami.

 

“Pick it up.”

 

Jiang Nan’an heard someone issue a command, saw beer bottle fragments gleaming on the ground.

 

He saw someone kneeling on the ground, obediently picking up those glass shards with their hands, until they had gathered enough, then tremblingly offering them to someone.

 

“You’re having one of your episodes again today, aren’t you? Huh? You’re just that cheap, just want to be a cheap bastard like her? Have you forgotten everything I fucking told you?! Huh?!”

 

The man’s voice was coarse, like a rusty plow slowly scraping the ground.

 

“…” He saw someone frightened by that voice, head lowered, not daring to look up or speak.

 

“Say something! Are you mute?!” The man gripped his hand, and the glass shards immediately cut into the flesh of his palm, bringing forth a bloody pain.

 

He heard someone’s scream of agony, then crying and begging for mercy, repeatedly saying “I’m sorry,” “I’m sorry”…

 

The torture continued for a long time. After hearing apologies for who knows how long, the man finally seemed satisfied and released those bloodied hands.

 

Then, the man smilingly inserted his fingers into someone’s hair, shaking it, with a force that compared to before, could even be called a “caress.”

 

“Good dog.” The man smiled with satisfaction, his laughter hoarse and unpleasant, with a drunken stench.

 

Someone’s gaze slowly moved up, meeting the man’s smiling eyes, seeing his turbid eyeballs, and an old scar next to his right eye.

 

“Good dog…”

 

-Jiang Nan’an suddenly opened his eyes.

 

Like a drowning person regaining air, he breathed heavily, his temples already damp with sweat.

 

He instinctively reached out to find the person beside him, but upon touching the cold fabric, he realized that person wasn’t here now.

 

Jiang Nan’an forced himself to escape from the nightmare, propped himself up to sit, turned on the bedside lamp, squinted as he gradually adjusted to the harsh light, then lowered his gaze to survey his surroundings.

 

The room’s curtains were tightly drawn, in complete darkness, yet the clock showed the time was 3:30 in the afternoon.

 

The bottom drawer of the bedside table was open, with a mess of medicine boxes inside, but the medicine Jiang Nan’an was looking for had already been placed on the tabletop. Now the pill bottle lay quietly, with scattered sleeping pills strewn from the bedside table to the floor.

 

Jiang Nan’an ignored them, picked up a few pills from the scattered ones, and swallowed them with half a glass of water nearby. He was about to lie back down when he recalled the dream he just had.

 

So, as if making some decision, he grabbed two concentrated coffee capsules from a box next to the water glass, not even bothering to dilute them with water, and directly tore them open and drank them.

 

The taste was so strange that Jiang Nan’an couldn’t help but lean over the bed and retch, taking a long time to recover.

 

Later, there seemed to be a strange sound constantly calling from outside. Jiang Nan’an listened carefully for a while before realizing it was his phone ringing.

 

He got up from the bed and followed the sound.

 

The living room was also a mess, with coffee packaging and empty bottles of various energy drinks piled on the table. Jiang Nan’an found his phone amidst the ruins and saw it was a call from Yan Jie.

 

He hesitated for a moment, but still swiped to answer just before the call would have automatically disconnected.

 

“Hello? Baby?”

 

Hearing Yan Jie’s cheerful voice, Jiang Nan’an’s breath caught.

 

“What are you doing? I called half an hour ago and you didn’t answer. I thought you wouldn’t pick up this one either.”

 

“No.” Jiang Nan’an swallowed dryly, his voice still relatively normal:

 

“I was sleeping. Just woke up.”

 

“Sleeping at this time? You were up so late last night, still replying to my messages in the early hours, and now you’re napping in the bright afternoon? What’s going on?”

 

“Mm, tired.” Jiang Nan’an lowered his eyes, curled up on the sofa.

 

“I heard from Sister Hong that you wouldn’t let Xiao Sun bring you food? Is that true? Have you been eating properly by yourself?”

 

“Yes. I ate.”

 

“Really? What did you have for lunch?”

 

Jiang Nan’an’s gaze swept around the room:

 

“…Noodles.”

 

“What kind of noodles?”

 

“Beef noodles.”

 

Jiang Nan’an heard Yan Jie chuckle:

 

“What noodles? Not Kangshifu Braised Beef Noodles, or Old Altar Pickled Vegetable Beef Noodles?”

 

“…” Jiang Nan’an bit the knuckle of his finger without answering, only saying:

 

“Are you coming back?”

 

What a question.

 

“Of course I’m coming back!” Yan Jie sighed:

 

“Being away for almost half a month is too long. I originally thought I’d be back in three or four days, but something unexpected came up… But don’t worry baby, it’s almost resolved now. I’ll be back tomorrow, and I’ll be able to hold you while we sleep tomorrow night.”

 

Jiang Nan’an was taken aback, somewhat surprised: “Tomorrow?”

 

“Yes!”

 

“Tomorrow…” Jiang Nan’an bit his finger again, unconsciously murmuring:

 

“Tomorrow… tomorrow…”

 

Yan Jie keenly detected something off in his repetitive words:

 

“Nan Nan, what’s wrong?”

 

“Nothing. Nothing…”

 

“Really nothing or pretending nothing? Why do you sound so strange? Did something happen? If something happened, you must tell me, okay?”

 

“No, I…”

 

Jiang Nan’an buried his face in his knees, fingers sinking into his hair, grabbing it:

 

“Yan Jie…”

 

“Mm, I’m here.”

 

“I…”

 

Jiang Nan’an seemed to suddenly lose all his strength, wanting to be like a child who thinks and cares about nothing, wanting to find someone he trusts to tell them “I’m scared.”

 

But opening his mouth, he couldn’t make a sound.

 

“No rush, take your time, what’s wrong?”

 

“I…”

 

Jiang Nan’an took a deep breath, his hand gripping his hair so tightly that his knuckles turned white.

 

But in the end, he gritted his teeth and said softly:

 

“I… I’m fine.”

 

“Really?” Yan Jie’s tone became much more serious.

 

“Mm.”

 

“Alright, come on, accept my video call. Let me see you.”

 

This wasn’t a request for discussion. Yan Jie hung up after speaking, and soon, his video call came through.

 

Jiang Nan’an stared at the phone screen, unable to react for a long time.

 

He couldn’t accept it.

 

He didn’t even need to look in a mirror to know that his current state must be terrible, not to mention that he had made a mess of the house.

 

If Yan Jie saw, he would know something was wrong.

 

He couldn’t accept it.

 

He pressed the decline button.

 

Yan Jie’s questioning came quickly.

 

Yan Xiaochun: ?

 

Yan Xiaochun: Why did you hang up on me?

 

Yan Xiaochun: Why won’t you answer?

 

Jiang Nan’an squinted, leaned closer to the screen, barely making out the keyboard characters from the blurry image.

 

Jiang Nan’an: No need.

 

Jiang Nan’an: Aren’t you coming back tomorrow?

 

Jiang Nan’an: See you tomorrow.

 

With the decline button in Jiang Nan’an’s hand, even if Yan Jie made a hundred video calls, Jiang Nan’an still wouldn’t answer.

 

The most frustrating thing about being far away is that when one side decides to be difficult, the other side has no way to do anything about it.

 

Yan Xiaochun: Fine.

 

Jiang Nan’an breathed a sigh of relief.

 

He put down his phone, looked around the house, and immediately got up to find a cardboard box, cleaning up all the empty bottles and packaging to throw away.

 

Yan Jie would be back tomorrow.

 

He couldn’t,

 

He couldn’t let him know.

 

–

 

Yan Jie sat in the car, looking at his phone, his expression frighteningly grim.

 

He exited the WeChat page and dialed a number while unbuckling his seatbelt:

 

“Hello? Uncle Qin, have you booked my flight to Shanghai for tomorrow? You have? Could you help me change it to tonight… around eight or nine o’clock? I need to meet someone now, then pack my things, and that should be about right. Mm, good, thank you, much appreciated.”

 

After hanging up, Yan Jie got out of the car and quickly entered a nearby tea house with traditional decor.

 

This tea house had been open for many years, with a good reputation, nice atmosphere, and strong privacy.

 

Yan Jie walked through the decorative green bamboo in the courtyard and was led by a server to a private room.

 

In the room, the aroma of tea had already filled the air. Yan Jie walked in quickly and saw the person he was meeting.

 

An elderly woman in her sixties sat behind the tea table, wearing a bamboo-green qipao, her graying hair pinned up with a wooden hairpin, looking gentle and elegant.

 

“Director Wei.” Yan Jie went over to shake her hand:

 

“Hello, I’m Yan Jie. I heard from Sister Hong that you’re in Beijing these days, so I took the liberty of asking her to arrange a time with you. I hope I haven’t disrupted your schedule?”

 

“Not at all, not at all.” Wei Yinghua was a kind person, her eyes curving like crescent moons when she smiled:

 

“I’ve been wanting to meet you too, and now we have the opportunity, so here I am. I heard from Little Qi about your relationship with Nan Nan. You’re here for Nan Nan, aren’t you?”

 

“…Oh my.” Yan Jie hadn’t expected Qi Hong to tell Wei Yinghua even this, and was somewhat surprised:

 

“Yes, Nan Nan and I… well, sorry for stealing your little cabbage.”

 

“Not at all. I watched your variety show before, and you have a good personality, able to bring him along to have fun, which is rare. During the New Year, I thought he was starting to understand these things, and I chatted with him a bit, but at the time I thought it was with another girl in the show. I didn’t expect it to be you. Although it’s a bit unexpected, these things are quite common nowadays, right? I can understand. There’s nothing else to say, as long as Nan Nan is happy.”

 

Wei Yinghua poured a cup of tea for Yan Jie and asked:

 

“What did you want to talk about today?”

 

“Since you put it that way, I won’t beat around the bush.”

 

Yan Jie got straight to the point:

 

“I want to know what exactly happened to Jiang Nan’an in the past. Who were his parents?”

 

He paused, then explained:

 

“I know it’s not good to ask others about his past, but please try to understand. I previously thought this wasn’t urgent, that I could wait until he was willing to tell me himself. But recently, when we were discussing a topic related to family, he suddenly lost control emotionally and had a strong reaction. I’ve never seen him like that before. I’ve studied psychology, so I understand these things. I previously thought he just had some personality issues, but now I suspect he might have severe CPTSD, along with stereotyped behaviors. This can’t be delayed. I want to intervene as soon as possible, but first I need to understand him well enough, to know what made him the way he is now, so I can help him overcome these issues.”

 

Wei Yinghua listened to his words, frowning slightly: “What is CPTSD?”

 

“It’s Complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder. It refers to a mental disorder caused when a person suffers from interpersonal trauma repeatedly or over a long period in a situation they cannot escape.”

 

Wei Yinghua held her teacup, as if reminiscing:

 

“Little Qi and I once thought about taking him to see a psychologist, but he wasn’t very willing. Later, Little Qi told me that apart from not being sociable, not knowing how to speak, and not understanding emotions well, he didn’t have any other abnormalities. So we thought there shouldn’t be a problem, and we didn’t mention it again.”

 

“I used to think the same. He hides it too well.”

 

Yan Jie nodded:

 

“Have you noticed that he has very strict principles about ‘identity’?”

 

“Yes. To ensure his image in front of the public, he needs to adopt the personality of a character he has played every time he’s in a social setting, is that right?”

 

“Exactly, using specific personas in specific environments. Like playing Gu Qingze in social situations, playing different roles on set… So later I thought, ‘Jiang Nan’an’ might also be one of his ‘personas.’ He uses this name to separate his current self from his past self into two different identities. So as Jiang Nan’an, he seems normal, but as soon as someone mentions certain words or something happens that reminds him of the past, causing him to confuse the two identities, his hidden mental trauma erupts like a volcano.”

 

Yan Jie frowned and continued:

 

“The day he lost control emotionally, he accidentally broke a cup. I went to get a broom to sweep up the pieces, but when I came back, I found him kneeling on the ground picking them up with his hands. Combined with the many similar scars on his hands, I suspect this is a stereotyped behavior. Was there someone who repeatedly forced him to do such things, causing him to unconsciously repeat what that person demanded whenever he encounters similar traumatic scenarios? Besides this, I’ve noticed he seems very concerned about whether he has disappointed someone, often emphasizing this point when communicating with me. This is also something that puzzles me. Why does he have such a deep obsession with ‘disappointment’? Why does he feel it’s such a serious matter? Who gave him the perception that ‘if you disappoint someone, they will leave’?”

 

His phone kept making notification sounds from Weibo, but Yan Jie had no time to check it now, so he muted his phone.

 

“These things…” Wei Yinghua listened to his description and shook her head:

 

“Actually, I’m not clear about these things either. Although I’ve known Nan Nan for a long time, he doesn’t talk much about his past with me. Little Qi might have asked you to meet me thinking I’m the person who knows Nan Nan best, but in fact, I don’t know much more than she does. I can only tell you…”

 

Wei Yinghua’s words were suddenly interrupted by an abrupt phone ring.

 

She looked at her phone, it was Qi Hong calling, so she smiled apologetically at Yan Jie:

 

“I’m sorry.”

 

“No problem, please answer it.”

 

Wei Yinghua then swiped to answer: “Hello? Little Qi?”

 

I don’t know what the person on the phone said, but Wei Yinghua’s expression suddenly changed.

 

She looked at Yan Jie, and in that instant, Yan Jie suddenly had a very bad feeling.

 

Sure enough, the next second, Wei Yinghua said gravely:

 

“Weibo… something’s happened to Nan Nan.”

 

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