YPHC Chapter 84

“Sister Hong… this exposé can’t be true, right?”

 

Xiao Sun had been running around the company with Qi Hong all afternoon, everyone frantically busy with the bombshell that had dropped that afternoon.

 

Xiao Sun had followed Jiang Nan’an for many years and knew what kind of person he was. He naturally believed his brother couldn’t be as vile as described in the exposé.

 

But… if it was fake, why would Sister Hong be acting as if facing a major crisis?

 

He was really uneasy, so taking advantage of the moment when Qi Hong had just finished an emergency meeting and sat down to rest, he stood beside her and weakly asked.

 

Qi Hong casually picked up a promotional brochure to fan herself, taking a sip of tea to soothe her throat hoarse from shouting. Hearing his question, she laughed coldly:

 

“If it were fake, I would have sued them without a second thought. Would I need to go through all this trouble?”

 

So that means…

 

Xiao Sun drew in a sharp breath:

 

“Does, does that mean brother really…”

 

“What are you thinking?” Qi Hong glared at him:

 

“It’s half-true, half-false, and that’s what makes it troublesome. The true parts are hard to deny, and the distorted, fabricated parts can’t be self-proven… Although I don’t know the specifics, do you really believe your brother is the kind of hooligan who steals chickens and dogs and causes his mother’s death?”

 

Xiao Sun hurriedly shook his head like a rattle drum.

 

“Then that’s that.” Qi Hong crossed her legs, about to say more when her phone suddenly rang.

 

Yan Jie was calling.

 

“Hello?” Qi Hong answered without thinking much, casually swiping to accept and putting it to her ear.

 

Unexpectedly, as soon as she connected, Yan Jie’s voice came through with urgency, without any pleasantries:

 

“Is Jiang Nan’an with you?”

 

“No, what’s wrong?”

 

“Ah, it’s hard to explain in a few words… I called him but he’s not answering. Since he’s not at the company, I’ll go straight to his home to find him.” After saying this, Yan Jie thought for a moment and asked one more question:

 

“How are you planning to handle today’s incident? Can it be properly managed? Do you need my help?”

 

“This is a big bomb. I update three PR contingency plans every year just for this kind of situation, so the public opinion should be controllable. Besides, not many people know about this, and the circumstances back then were special. I’m betting they can’t produce more evidence to confirm Jiang Nan’an’s identity. I’m already surprised they could come up with those aged photos…”

 

Qi Hong got a headache just talking about it and sighed:

 

“But this matter is difficult to clarify, and the aftermath is hard to handle. There will be gossip no matter what, so we can’t deny it but absolutely cannot confirm it either. It’s frustrating, but that’s all we can do for now. Let’s see what else they have up their sleeve. As long as we get through this period, there shouldn’t be too much impact later… During this time, stay close to him, take care of his emotions, and don’t let him cause any trouble.”

 

“I understand, I will.” Yan Jie acknowledged her words and was about to hang up when suddenly he heard a thunderous “Holy shit!” through the receiver.

 

Recognizing it as Xiao Sun’s voice, he hesitated for a moment before hanging up, and then heard Qi Hong exclaim in surprise:

 

“What’s wrong? You startled me!”

 

“Sister Hong!! Brother has responded!!!”

 

“What?!” Qi Hong’s scream nearly pierced the ceiling:

 

“Didn’t I have all his social media accounts locked?!!”

 

“He opened an alternate account!!!” Xiao Sun’s voice broke into a sob.

 

Yan Jie’s heart skipped a beat.

 

He quickly opened Weibo and saw that the top trending topic had already changed to “#JiangNan’anApparentlyResponds#”.

 

Yan Jie may not have noticed himself, but his fingertips were trembling as he clicked on the topic.

 

After entering, the first post on the square was the relevant blog post.

 

The post was accompanied by a prominent nine-grid photo display, all showing Jiang Nan’an’s scars without exception.

 

Cigarette burns on his waist, those small, scattered scars on his hands… Only three of the photos showed the current state of the scars, which Yan Jie guessed Jiang Nan’an had just taken.

 

The remaining six images were phone captures of photo prints. The image quality was poor, and they looked quite old. Their content was much more disturbing than the first three-the thin waist of a young boy covered with new wounds layered over old ones, some not even healed yet, with dark red scabs still visible.

 

Another photo showed his back, where several thin, long bloody marks ran across the boy’s arms and shoulders, looking like they were made with thin bamboo rods. It was hard to imagine how much force the abuser had used, as if wanting to kill him.

 

[JiangNan’an2: Is this how you “loved” me, “father”? @UserS4Z74837908]

 

“Where did these photos come from?! How does he have such photos?! How did I not know he had these things???”

 

Qi Hong’s desperate questioning brought Yan Jie back to his senses.

 

“Where is Jiang Nan’an?! Call him!!”

 

“I can’t get through, sis. Brother turned off his phone…” Xiao Sun was on the verge of tears.

 

“Stop calling. I’m going to his place now, I’ll be there in fifteen minutes. I’ll call you back when I find him.”

 

After saying this, Yan Jie immediately hung up, tossed his phone aside, stepped hard on the accelerator, and the sports car roared as it flew along the ground into the city.

 

…

 

Jiang Nan’an lay on the cold bathroom floor, dazed for a long time before exiting the hidden photo album, long-pressing the button, and turning off his phone.

 

He unconsciously curled up, one hand protecting his head, the other guarding his waist and abdomen. Though nowhere was actually injured, his entire body felt pain.

 

Why?

 

Why was it like this?

 

He had left that state long ago, so why were the memories and sensations still so vivid?

 

…He was so afraid.

 

Even just a fleeting glimpse on the street, even without clearly seeing the face, even with a momentary gaze that barely qualified as eye contact, he still felt anxiety and fear from the depths of his heart.

 

Like an abused dog that, no matter how many years pass, will still curl up and shrink into a corner with a miserable cry whenever it sees a human raise their foot toward it.

 

It was disgusting.

 

Not daring to open the curtains, not daring to go out, not daring to hear a knock at the door, not daring to open the door, afraid that person would bring his past to his doorstep, tear open his life and disguise, and drag him back to those days.

 

Not daring to sleep, because closing his eyes meant nightmares, returning to that time and place, as if he had never successfully escaped.

 

And even more, he didn’t dare…

 

He didn’t dare let people know about these things.

 

Especially Yan Jie.

 

He thought he had separated the present from the past, and had hidden those secrets well.

 

But he had still messed up.

 

People still found out.

 

He had still disappointed them.

 

He had still been despised.

 

Jiang Nan’an, like a dying fish, curled up on the floor breathing heavily, immersed in past memories and emotional lows, unable to save himself, even losing his concept of time. He didn’t know how long it took before he recovered slightly.

 

He supported himself on the ground to stand up, and happened to see himself in the mirror by the sink.

 

Messy hair, dark circles under his eyes, looking utterly haggard.

 

This wouldn’t do.

 

He felt he needed to take a shower to clear his mind, but he was too weak to stand, so he filled the bathtub with water. Only after getting in did he realize he had forgotten to take off his clothes.

 

The wet fabric soaking with his body was uncomfortable, but he no longer cared about such things.

 

In the misty vapor, he took a deep breath, held it, and slid down, letting his body be submerged in the water, sinking into the bathtub.

 

When the water level passed his ears, that moment of static noise disappeared, and the whole world became quiet.

 

The water seemed to temporarily separate him from the world. In this time before his breath ran out, he didn’t have to think about anything, didn’t have to do anything.

 

He thought,

 

This was probably the closest to spiritual tranquility besides death.

 

-This was the scene Yan Jie saw when he came in.

 

Yan Jie knew what the past meant to Jiang Nan’an, knew how much he wanted to hide it, but now his secrets had been exposed to everyone in an extremely embarrassing way.

 

For someone desperately hiding secrets, this kind of blow was fatal, perhaps no different from the world collapsing.

 

What would Jiang Nan’an think? And what did his response tonight mean? Was it burning bridges, or mutual destruction?

 

Yan Jie dared not think too deeply.

 

He rushed to Jiang Nan’an’s home as quickly as possible, pushed open the door, and saw the tightly closed curtains that let in no light. His heart sank.

 

Jiang Nan’an loved large windows, loved the wind, loved sunbathing. Usually, even at night, he would only draw a thin layer of gauze curtains, because he couldn’t stand such an almost completely sealed dark environment.

 

“…Jiang Nan’an? Jiang Nan’an!”

 

There was no response, and Yan Jie was about to go crazy.

 

The only room with a light on was the bathroom in the master bedroom.

 

He rushed in and immediately saw the still-draining bathtub, and the person submerged in the water.

 

It was as if a string in his brain suddenly snapped, and he even forgot to breathe, almost lunging forward to kneel beside the bathtub and pull the person out of the water.

 

Fortunately, the very next second after being pulled out, that person opened his eyes.

 

Jiang Nan’an had been escaping the world in his own way when he was suddenly pulled out of the water, startling himself as well.

 

He opened his eyes somewhat bewilderedly, saw Yan Jie’s face, and felt a bit dazed, for a moment even thinking he was dreaming.

 

“…” He struggled to focus his gaze on Yan Jie’s eyes, nose, and lips, confirming several times that it was indeed him, before hesitantly speaking:

 

“You…”

 

“Jiang Nan’an, have you gone fucking crazy?!”

 

Only after confirming that Jiang Nan’an had no other injuries did Yan Jie finally seem to breathe a sigh of relief.

 

He was terrified. He held Jiang Nan’an’s face, made sure he was alright, and once the anxiety and panic subsided, all that remained was anger:

 

“What were you trying to do? Tell me what you were trying to do?! Everyone is worried about you, and you hide away and do this to yourself?! Did you think about me at all?! Huh?!”

 

Yan Jie had always been gentle and accommodating with Jiang Nan’an, never losing his temper with him, not even letting curse words slip out in front of him.

 

This time he must have been truly furious.

 

Jiang Nan’an probably hadn’t expected this reaction from him either. He widened his eyes slightly as he observed Yan Jie’s expression, his Adam’s apple moving slightly as he said softly:

 

“I wasn’t trying to die.”

 

“Then what were you doing?!”

 

“I just wanted…” Jiang Nan’an’s voice was somewhat strained:

 

“…just wanted some quiet.”

 

“That’s still dangerous! Did you think about what would happen if you passed out? What if you slipped and fell when trying to get up and couldn’t get back up?”

 

Yan Jie became increasingly frightened as he spoke. He pulled Jiang Nan’an into his arms, as if only a tight embrace could give him some peace of mind.

 

He took a deep breath, stroked the back of Jiang Nan’an’s head, and his tone softened a bit:

 

“I missed your calls because I was on the plane with no signal or internet. When I tried calling you back after landing, you didn’t answer. Tell me, what did you mean by those WeChat messages? You wanted to break up with me, Jiang Nan’an, you wanted to break up with me, didn’t you?”

 

“…You know everything now.”

 

Hearing these words, Jiang Nan’an seemed to lose all his strength.

 

He leaned against Yan Jie, burying his face in the crook of Yan Jie’s neck, as if this could temporarily help him escape those cruel realities:

 

“What that person said, most of it is true. I lied to you, Yan Jie… I caused her death, it was all me… I’m not as good as you think, I’m different from you, I am… I shouldn’t have been… Do you know, I… she…”

 

Jiang Nan’an wanted to tell Yan Jie something, but he seemed to have lost the ability to organize his thoughts, speaking disconnected, incoherent sentences.

 

“You didn’t lie to me. Don’t you remember? Before we made our relationship official, you already told me you had secrets. Remember what I said then? If not, I’ll tell you again now. Jiang Nan’an, I don’t care about your past, no matter who you were before or what you experienced, I will love you and stay with you. Once I’ve made a decision, I don’t regret it. Can you trust me just once? What do I have to do to make you trust me just once?”

 

He gently patted Jiang Nan’an’s back:

 

“Stop taking all the blame on yourself. Whether you’re Jiang Nan’an or A-Shu, I believe everything happens for a reason, and I believe you wouldn’t do things to hurt others. Don’t force yourself to bear blame that isn’t yours. If there’s something you can’t tell others, at least tell me, let me face it with you, okay?”

 

Jiang Nan’an didn’t answer, only slowly tightening his grip on the corner of Yan Jie’s clothes.

 

Yan Jie stroked his wet hair, his voice strained:

 

“Now, tell me, do you still want to break up with me? I told you I don’t want to hear you casually say such things. It hurts me, Jiang Nan’an. Do you really want to break up with me?”

 

“…” Jiang Nan’an, still buried in his shoulder, shook his head slightly.

 

After another moment of silence, he took several deep breaths before finally speaking:

 

“When I called you, I wasn’t going to say we should break up. But I couldn’t reach you anywhere, I thought…”

 

“Thought I didn’t want you anymore?”

 

Yan Jie gently released him, holding his face:

 

“Silly.”

 

As he spoke, Yan Jie looked at him carefully, seeing the haggard dark circles under his eyes, noticing that the person he had managed to fatten up a bit had lost weight again, to the point where his cheeks were somewhat sunken.

 

Yan Jie thought about Jiang Nan’an’s state during their phone call that day.

 

He didn’t know what Jiang Nan’an had encountered alone, whether he had already known that person would reappear in his life, whether he had been particularly anxious and afraid at home by himself, whether he had missed him, whether he had wanted to tell him something but didn’t dare to reach out.

 

If only he had noticed something was wrong earlier, if only he had been smarter…

 

“Jiang Nan’an, how did you let yourself get like this?”

 

Yan Jie’s heart ached terribly, his lips trembling slightly:

 

“I’m sorry, I should have come back earlier to be with you, but… but even when I’m not around, can’t you still take good care of yourself?”

 

Yan Jie dared not imagine what would have happened if he had opened the door to find a bathtub full of blood, or if the person in the water had already stopped breathing and lost all signs of life.

 

The more he thought about it, the more frightened he became, to the point where his voice was somewhat choked, almost a whisper:

 

“…Can you please not make me hurt so much?”

 

Hearing these words, Jiang Nan’an’s eyelashes trembled slightly as he looked up at Yan Jie.

 

Yan Jie’s eyes had reddened without him noticing, and by coincidence, just as Jiang Nan’an looked up, he saw a tear rolling down from Yan Jie’s eye.

 

Jiang Nan’an was slightly taken aback.

 

He hesitantly reached up to touch Yan Jie’s cheek, then held Yan Jie’s shoulders and slowly leaned forward, taking that teardrop into his lips.

 

…Salty.

 

Jiang Nan’an’s eyes flickered slightly, a thousand complex emotions washing over him:

 

“…Are you crying for me?”

 

“Who’s crying?” Yan Jie chuckled softly, not wanting him to see his tears, so he pulled him back into his embrace. But when he spoke again, he said:

 

“If not for you, then who? You heartless person, always making me sad.”

 

“I’m sorry.”

 

“You’re always the quickest to apologize, but then you just do the same thing next time.”

 

“…”

 

“Next time, don’t casually say things like ‘let’s not date anymore’ or ‘let’s break up.'”

 

“Mm.”

 

“If there’s a next time, I’ll really be angry.”

 

“Okay.”

 

“Don’t say ‘okay,’ say, ‘I won’t say it again.'”

 

“…I won’t say it again, Yan Jie.”

 

Jiang Nan’an leaned on his shoulder, eyes slightly lowered, seeming somewhat absent-minded.

 

Until Yan Jie sniffled, his voice a bit muffled:

 

“Alright, get up, change your clothes. Isn’t it uncomfortable wearing wet clothes? Be careful not to get sick again.”

 

“Let’s not change.”

 

Jiang Nan’an’s voice was soft and faint:

 

“I’ll have to take them off anyway.”

 

Yan Jie was stunned for a moment before realizing what he meant:

 

“You…”

 

“Let’s do it?”

 

“No.” Yan Jie immediately refused:

 

“Tell me, how long has it been since you’ve properly rested? Your condition is too poor, your body can’t handle it.”

 

“It’s okay.” Jiang Nan’an slowly tightened his arms around Yan Jie’s neck:

 

“Love me.”

 

Yan Jie held him tight, comforting him:

 

“I already l

ove you very much, Nan Nan.”

 

“But I don’t understand, I really don’t understand. Let me feel it, okay?”

 

Jiang Nan’an closed his eyes:

 

“Tell me you love me, say it many times, kiss me, touch me, hold me tight, make love to me, tell me you won’t be disappointed in me, tell me you won’t leave… like this, love me intensely… okay?”

 

#

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 (advanced chapters available on kofi)